


Turn on the Lights

by Alaisabel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternative Universe - No Magic, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda inspired by The Full Monty, M/M, Putting yourself back together, Stripping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-02-11 18:01:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2077719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alaisabel/pseuds/Alaisabel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius, an alcoholic run-away, and James, mainly focused on getting his ex Lily Evans back, can’t dance. This wouldn't normally be a problem if their unemployment and unrequited feelings hadn’t driven them to take up stripping. Help comes in the shape of Remus Lupin, who promises to teach them. Sirius, however, soon realises that Lupin is hiding something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How They Dance in the Courtyard

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a The Full Monty AU but somewhere something went terribly wrong.
> 
> Warnings: drugs, alcohol, abusive relationship, panic attacks, mentions of suicide

“Let me get this straight,” Sirius said, lighting a cigarette, “You’re seriously telling me that you want us to strip so you can get your ex back.” he quirked an eyebrow at James.

“Umm… that about sums it, yeah.” he buried his hands deeper in his pockets.

“Okay, then.” Sirius shrugged, “I don’t see how this is going to convince Evans that you aren’t, what was it? ‘too immature to function in a normal relationship’, though.”

“You wouldn’t understand. And her name is Lily.” James insisted.

“Can you maybe not say that like you’re having sex with the poor girl.”

“Say what?”

“Lily.” Sirius sighed obscenely, batting his eyelashes.

“Shut up, prick.” James kicked him under the table.

“Ow! All the sacrifices I make for you and this is how you show your gratitude?” Sirius feigned hurt.

“Will you keep it down over there? Some of us are actually trying to get a job.” a brown-haired man snapped.

Sirius mouthed the words at James, making a show of scrunching up his face. The guy, Lupin or something, was the worst buzzkill in the place and that was saying something for a jobcentre filled with unemployed, discouraged people.

“We all want jobs. It’s just that, news flash, there aren’t any!” Sirius snapped back at him, “It’s a wonder you can even walk with that stick so far up your ass.” 

The guy ignored him and stared pointedly at his computer. 

Sirius usually didn’t loose his cool over tiny things. It was just that he really needed money. If he and James didn’t want to get kicked out of their flat, that was. 

xXx

“So, stripping…” Sirius began as they walked home, “That earns nicely, doesn’t it?” he grinned.

“It does indeed, my friend.” James smirked, “There is literally no downside to this.”

“You mean apart from the fact that none of us can dance? I know I’m Mr Sex but I’m not sure that will be quite enough to get people to cough up.” 

James stopped dead in his tracks, “Hadn’t thought of that.” he mumbled to himself then he suddenly lit up and turned around. 

Sirius followed him, “Don’t feel bad about it. It’s easy to forget, seeing that it’s such a minor thing in stripping and all.”

“Shut up.” 

Sirius shrugged, “Where’re we going? Back to ‘Department for employment and learning’?” it might be called employment and learning but so far Sirius was still unemployed and the only thing he’d leant was the importance of an open body language.

“No, we’re going to get someone who can teach us to dance.” James grinned.

“I’m not even going to ask how that’s going to happen.” 

“There’s this place. Lily wanted us to go there so I could stop embarrassing her when we go out together.” James made a disgusted sound from the back of his throat.

“I sincerely don’t hope that she wanted you to learn the kind of dance we need for this.” 

James rolled his eyes at him. They stopped outside a huge white building, “This is it.” he said, “After you.”

Sirius got inside and took a good long look at the chandelier in the entrance hall and turned around, “No.” 

“Yes.” James said sternly, “I have to show Lily that I can get a project running.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Think of the money.” James beamed.

Sirius swore under his breath, earning him a look that was as disapproving that he’d be willing to take up waltzing if it meant pissing the middle-aged woman in question just half as much off as she was now. Sirius smiled sweetly at her and then loudly said, “Okay, I’ll fucking strip with you if that’s what you want.” the woman looked like she was going to choke and Sirius grinned smugly.

“Will you keep it down, you twat, or we’re going to get chucked out.” James said but grinned at him, “Besides, we don’t have to dance, we’ll just watch and then pick someone and ask that person to teach us. We can go up on the balcony.”

“Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there. Balcony?” Sirius said with a horrified expression.

“I’m sorry, did you fail to see the chandelier earlier? This is a classy establishment.” James said, trying not to laugh.

“Bloody hell.” Sirius muttered. 

“What did I just say about this being a classy establishment?” 

xXx

Sirius sat with his legs dangling over the balcony, “They suck.” Sirius had no idea how it was possible to dance a cha-cha-cha so rhythmlessly. 

James stared at the dancing class as if he could get them to suddenly improve through the power of mind alone. 

Just as Sirius was about to suggest that they got out of there the door burst open. The man who stepped inside lightly panting wasn’t really anything out of the ordinary, or, that was, at least he wasn’t until he slipped into a spot in the back of the hall and smoothly fell into the steps.

From where Sirius was sitting he could only see the man’s back but that was enough for him to notice the way the guy was dancing as if gliding through water. He was perfectly synchronised with the music even though he’d come in in the middle of the song. Opposed to the other so called dancers he moved his entire body, even his hand movements were deliberate. 

“I think we’ve found our man.” James grinned, “Pads? Sirius? Will you shut your mouth, please?” 

Sirius immediately pulled his jaw back up. But that didn’t stop him from staring. 

The teacher had paused the music and was trying to show his pupils some steps they were failing horribly at. Finally he gestured to the man who’d arrived late. The teacher grabbed the slightly shorter man’s waist and hand. Without music they started dancing. ‘Dancing’ was perhaps to stretch it, because from where Sirius was sitting it looked more like sex adapted into art. 

Then came the spin the teacher had been trying to show earlier and Sirius caught a glimpse of the face of the man he’d been admiring. He immediately took back what he’d said about ‘nothing out of the ordinary’; the man was bloody gorgeous. His face was completely relaxed except for the small smile he was sporting. The man twirled back into his partner’s arms and their bodies fit together perfectly. Sirius was lost even before the man leaned away from his partner completely and stretched a hand into thin air with an intense expression, as if reaching for something enormously important.

“Bloody hell.” Sirius whispered.

“Okay, that face is just unsettling. Do you mind saving it for the poor bastard down there? Because I sure as hell don’t appreciate it.” James faked a choking sound. 

Sirius dragged his gaze away “Sure you’re not just jealous?” he mock smirked.

“I know you’re flaming, mate. But there has to be limits.” James rolled his eyes.

“Limits? Have you met me, dear Prongs?” 

James shook his head and rolled his eyes again.

Sirius grinned at him and then continued watching the dance floor. 

xXx

When the lesson ended James and Sirius went down in the hall to talk to their chosen dancing instructor. 

The man in question had his back turned to them and he was talking to the teacher. As they were speaking the man got gradually tenser and when the teacher put a hand on his arm and it looked like the man had turned to stone Sirius decided to go over there.

Sirius cleared his throat “Excuse me? I was wondering if…” 

The teacher flinched and moved his hand. Both men’s heads snapped up and they stared at Sirius. 

“You?” he nearly dropped his jaw as he stared into the eyes of the man who that very morning had snapped at him to keep it down. The man whose first remark when they met had been “You can’t smoke in here.”

The man just glared at him “What do you want?”

Sirius was just about to turn on the heel and leave when James said, “We were wondering if you’d want to teach us to strip dance.” 

Lupin’s face was worth the entire thing, “Get out.” 

“Think about it?” Sirius said, not so subtly smirking.

When Sirius and James were safely outside they collapsed in laughter.

“Did you see his face?” Sirius gasped.

“Did you see _your_ face?” James spluttered.

“You knew?” Sirius stopped laughing, “You fuckin’ _knew_?”

“Of course I knew.” James said, wiping his eyes, “You have to admit that my sense of humour is flawless.”

“Dick.” Sirius glared at him but felt himself deflating, “What now? I mean since this magnificent plan of yours failed big time.”

“Failed? We just have to persuade him.” James patted him on the shoulder. 

“Even if he wants to then _I_ don’t want to be taught by the biggest buzzkill in history.” Sirius grumped.

“That’s not the vibe I was getting from you ten minutes ago.” James all but sang. 

“Why am I even friends with you?” 

“Because deep down you love me. Besides, you know that this isn’t going to work if we don’t find a teacher.” James shrugged.

“There has to be someone else.” Sirius certainly didn’t pout because that wouldn’t be cool.

“Did you even see the rest of the class? No, don’t answer that, I just forgot that you were busy ogling the ‘biggest buzzkill in history’.”

Sirius sighed deeply, “Okay, so what’s your brilliant plan, O’ great leader?”

“Sod off, Black. We’re going to stalk him until he says yes.”

“That’s nice… Apart from considering the fact that it’s creepy as hell, how is that going to work? We don’t even know where he lives.” Sirius quirked an eyebrow.

“Don’t we?” James said in an innocent tone.

“I’m not even gonna ask…” 

xXx

That was how they ended up outside the idyllic townhouse on an early Friday morning.

“I’m bored.” Sirius moaned and glared at a frankly disturbing garden gnome.

“We’ve been here for less than ten minutes.” James pointed out.

The front door opened and Sirius peeked out from behind the fence where they were hiding. Lupin was wearing a worn-out brown suit that wasn’t really that nice at all but did wonders for his backside. He was clutching a briefcase and was just about to shut the door after him when a voice called “Remus?” 

He immediately opened the door again “Yeah?” A woman in her 50s stepped out.

“Good luck today, Darling.” she smiled and Lupin bent down slightly so that she could kiss his forehead. 

“Thanks, mum. Have a nice day.” he said in a soft voice, she replied with something inaudible and closed the door. When he turned around Sirius caught a glimpse of the mild expression he had before he noticed Sirius and tensed up completely. 

“What do you want?” Lupin hissed and tightened his grip on the briefcase.

“We just wanted to admire your beautiful gnomes.” Sirius picked up a gnome with a green hat and an unsettling expression.

“Put that back.” Lupin said through gritted teeth.

“So hospitable you are today.” Sirius said drily, “We just wanted to hear if you’ve decided if you want to take up our offer.”

“I thought I made myself clear yesterday. Now leave me alone.” he glared at Sirius, like he had even more against him that he had against James and then he turned his back on them and started walking.

Sirius lightly jogged to catch up on him “Is that a no?” 

“Yes, it’s a no. Will you kindly leave before I call the police. I actually have an important job interview in half an hour.” 

“Oh, so you’re too fancy to hang with us now that you’re going to get a job?”

Lupin stopped and looked at Sirius like he’d grown a second head “In case you haven’t noticed I’ve never hung with you.” then he started walking again, this time faster.

“No, because you think you’re so much better than the rest of us.” Sirius yelled after him.

“Well, that went well.” James commented.

Sirius considered throwing the gnome, he was still holding, at him but decided against it, “I have an idea.” he smirked down at the gnome and then back at James who was watching him with a quizzical expression, “If he doesn’t get the job then he’ll have to agree to helping us, doesn’t he?”

xXx

When Lupin came out from the building after the job interview he looked shell shocked. 

“How’d it go?” Sirius asked smugly.

Lupin dropped his briefcase and grabbed Sirius’ collar, slamming him into the nearest wall, “A lot worse than if you hadn’t been playing with garden gnomes outside of the window.” he whispered, his face inches from Sirius’ face. 

“I take it you didn’t get the job, then?” Sirius rasped, which was mainly from the lack of air but also partly from the fact that Lupin looked kind of good when he was furious. 

“No, I didn’t get the bloody job.” Lupin nearly yelled, then the air seemed to go out of him somehow, “Oh, God, I’ll have to tell her.” he let go of Sirius “I’ll have to fucking tell her,” he kicked the wall with much more power than advisable, “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” 

Sirius just stared while James seemed to have disappeared into thin air, with the gnome.

Lupin stared directly at Sirius, “I could’ve gotten paid months in advance. She’d never have to know. I never told her, you see. Never told her that I’d lost my job. She’d never have to know!” he was tearing up and Sirius wasn’t good with that kind of thing, “I almost got it. It was my job!” he was yelling again, this time with tears streaming down his face. He slid down on the ground and held his head in his hands, “I can’t tell her, can’t tell her. Oh, God, how am I gonna get the money? Oh, God, oh, God.” Sirius was still staring at him paralysed when Lupin moved his hands from his face, “What’re you looking at? Fuck off!” and Sirius did the only thing he could think of. Turned and ran.

xXx

“Shit, dude.” James breathed.

“I know.” Sirius shook his head and brought the cigarette to his lips, inhaling deeply, “He’s crazy, man.”

“Perhaps.” James shrugged, “But I don’t think it was one of your better plans.”

“What do you mean? He’s obviously off his rocker.”

“To be fair he’s been unemployed as long as we have and we just cost him a job.” James pointed out.

“Fuck.” Sirius nearly choked on the smoke he was inhaling, “Hadn’t thought of it in that way.” he coughed, “Crap, we have to do something.” he stared wildly at James.

“We could apologise?” James suggested.

Sirius frowned, “Can’t we…?”

“What? Find him another job? Go back and threaten the people who didn’t give him the job? That was rhetorical, we can’t do that.” 

“I wasn’t considering…” Sirius started saying.

“Yes, you were.” James quirked an eyebrow at him.

“No, I wasn’t.” Sirius protested.

“You were. You had that look.”

“I wasn’t!” Sirius glared, “Why can’t we do that?” 

“Do you seriously think they’d give him a job because two unemployed people with no qualifications what so ever asked them to?” 

“Who said anything about ‘asking’?” Sirius said under his breath.

“You have fun in jail then, I’m not coming.” James crossed the one arm he wasn’t using for holding the gnome but was grinning widely at him, “You’re an idiot, you know that?” 

“You sound all grown up and responsible, I’m sure Evans would be proud.” Sirius said sullenly.

“You think?” James was almost beaming.

Sirius shot him a look, he hoped signalled that he wasn’t amused, “So, apologising…?”

“Are you seriously asking me?” James looked like he was about to laugh.

“It’s not funny, ass.” 

“I don’t know. Just imagine it’s to get into his pants or something.” James shrugged.

“Hey, that’s not the only thing that can motivate me.” 

James’ whole face crinkled up and in a matter of seconds he was gasping for air, “Don’t… don’t do that… to me… you’re killing me.” he gasped.

“You’re a complete idiot, you know that?” Sirius pouted.

“Yeah, yeah, you keep telling yourself that. Really, though, can’t you just imagine him the way you did when he was dancing or something? I know you can be charming when you bother to try.” 

“Aww, James, are you flirting with me?”

“Okay, that’s it, you’re on your own, mate. I don’t care if you apologise but you should, besides, the entire strip-thing will be about a bazillion times easier if he agrees to help us.” James thrust the garden gnome at him and started walking away.

“Dick!” Sirius yelled after him. James lifted an arm in salute. 

xXx

Sirius glared at the gnome and then promptly decided that he wasn’t going to apologise. He knew he’d been a dick but he wasn’t going to give the asshat the satisfaction of it. He’d just decided to go home when he realised that he hadn’t brought his key.

“James, you dick.” he mumbled as he made his way to the park with a garden gnome under one arm. Fortunately it was still morning and the streets were deserted. Sirius wasn’t completely sure that he would be able to handle questioning looks right now. 

He was still kicking at the ground when he reached the park. It looked deserted and Sirius made his way to the bench he usually chose for sulking. It was divided from the rest of the park by bushes. It was one of those places you’ll only find if you know what you’re looking for. Sirius and James had found it when they were still in school and were looking for a hiding place from a teacher who seemed to think that they were troublemakers. Which, granted, they were. 

As the case was, he wasn’t the only one to have gotten that idea. He was brushing a leaf out his hair when an angry voice said, “If you’re here to gloat, don’t bother.”

Sirius almost jumped from the shock, “Actually I’m here to be alone but since that’s obviously not going to happen, I’ll just leave.” 

“No need, I have to be somewhere anyway.” Lupin got up from the bench and that was when Sirius noticed his pained expression.

Sirius’ arm automatically shot out to keep Lupin from leaving but the horrified expression Lupin was looking at him with quickly made him pull his arm back.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius blurted, talking about the fact that he’d just touched someone who was clearly not comfortable with it but then he changed his mind, “About the whole thing, I mean.”

Lupin looked like he was expecting Sirius to hit him.

“I’m serious, really.” Sirius said, “And please don’t look at me like that. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I’m not ‘looking at you like that.’” Lupin sneered, “You couldn’t hurt me if you tried.”

Sirius was starting to get a little unnerved about the rapid mood swings, “Whatever, I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I know I can be a dick and that I didn’t really think but we only did it because we need you.”

“Sure thing.” Lupin didn’t sound very convinced. 

“In what way is it possible for something involving garden gnomes to be deliberately planned to hurt you by brilliant masterminds?” Sirius snapped.

“Is that my gnome?” Lupin squinted suspiciously at the gnome in question.

“Umm… it might be.” Sirius admitted. 

Lupin’s expression changed within seconds and suddenly he was grinning. It wasn’t a wide grin or a fit of laughter but it softened his features and for a moment he looked approachable and warm. Then his face closed up and he stared at something behind Sirius’ back “Peter?” he gasped.

Sirius whipped around and saw a mousy looking guy who looked like he’d been run over by a truck. Behind him stood James.

“Hey Remus.” the guy said at the same time as Lupin said, “What happened?”

Peter looked up at James, eyes burning with admiration, “Well, it was the usual gang, something about me not having paid, but I did pay, I know I did. Anyway, in comes this guy and totally crushes them. Snape and everyone.”

“Snivellus?” Sirius gaped at James who nodded sternly, “Really? I knew he was a douche but, damn.” he shot another look at Peter’s swollen face.

Lupin placed his hands on his hips, “What was it this time?” he looked like he was ready to murder someone, “Wait, don’t tell me here. Is your place free?”

Peter shrugged, “Alice and Frank are at work, so I should think so.”

“Great.” Lupin didn’t look as if anything was great at all; he looked like someone had just burnt his house to the ground. He made to leave but was stopped by Peter.

“Don’t you wanna say hi to my saviour? Or tell me about your boyfriend?” he cocked his head at Sirius but Sirius wasn’t really noticing, he was too busy watching the way Lupin had paled, “Shit, mate, sorry, I forgot.”

“It’s fine.” Lupin managed to say through gritted teeth.

“Yeah, we’re not.” Sirius gestured between Lupin and himself but somehow it didn’t seem to make anyone happier. If possible Lupin looked even more frigid than before and Sirius felt as though he was missing something.

It was James’ voice that finally managed to cut through the tension: “We know each other already. Peter, this is Sirius Black. Pads, this is Peter… I’m sorry, what was the last part?” 

“Pettigrew, Peter Pettigrew. But Peter’s fine.” Peter beamed at Sirius and held out his hand.

“Sirius Black. But Black is fine.” Sirius squared his shoulders and looked at Lupin as if daring him to say anything, or at least he hoped that was the vibe he was giving.

James kicked Sirius, “Play nicely.”

“Okay, sorry,” Sirius held up his hands, “Sirius is fine, but Padfoot is cool if you’re into that kind of thing.” then he firmly grabbed the hand offered.

“Now that’s sorted, let’s get going. And I’d like my gnome back, please.” Lupin said and practically dragged a confused looking Peter after him when he’d grabbed the gnome.

“Snivellus?” Sirius gaped at James again as soon as the two other were gone.

“I know.” 

The thing about Severus Snape was that he’d always been kind of creepy and odd. There had always been a mutual dislike between the three of them, no one really knew what had set it off. It might’ve been the way Snape had been best buddies with the girl James had fallen for. It might’ve been inevitable, with the way the guy never seemed to wash his hair, the way he frowned at everything and everyone or the fact that he always seemed to love the subjects no one could stand (chemistry in particular). The result was the same never the less. Snape was a pain in the ass at all times and James and Sirius reciprocated. 

He had since day one been hanging with a shady crowd and everyone knew that he’d been involved in something with drugs. He’d clearly been taking them and Sirius had a feeling that he might’ve been making them as well. Which was the main reason Sirius stuck with good old fashioned alcohol, both to make a point by being as different from Snape as possible but also because, with drugs, you often had no idea what was in the stuff you were taking. So Snape had always been a creep but from that to beating up a random guy…

“Didn’t they talk about paying?” Sirius played the conversation over in his head.

“Yeah,” James bit his lip, “There’s something I have to tell you…” he started and he was sounding so sincere that Sirius’ head snapped up and his eye bore into James’, “Mulciber and Avery were there as well.”

Sirius felt a dark fog rising inside his chest. “You don’t mean…”

James looked down and pressed the tip of his shoe down in the ground, “Look, I’m sorry, I just thought you’d want to know.” James looked incredibly uncomfortable. Then he looked up again and opened his arms.

Sirius gratefully accepted the hug but that didn’t stop him from huffing: “You’re such a sap.”

“You like it, it means that you can stay closeted about your own sappiness and pretend to be cool.” James rolled his eyes as they both pulled back.

“So, about Lupin… I take it you were a total prick and failed horribly at what you were trying to accomplish?” James inquired.

“It actually went amazing.” James wasn’t looking convinced, “He almost succeeded in not being a stuck up dick, even smiled at me and all. But that was before you turned up with his friend beaten to a pulp.”

“Ummm, yeah, he said he was supposed to be meeting Lupin here and I couldn’t find it in my heart to refuse the poor bastard. Granted, I thought that you would be in some corner, sulking, by now instead of talking to the guy.”

“What do you take me for?” Sirius half-heartedly clasped a hand over his heart, “Don’t answer that.”

xXx

The Monday after James and Sirius were sitting at their usual table in the job centre when Lupin suddenly appeared. Sirius shot him a quizzical look.

“I’m in.” Lupin simply said with crossed arms.

“Sorry?” Sirius asked, repressing a triumphant grin.

“I’ll do it. Help you with your thing.” Lupin had uncrossed his arms and was waving his hand about as he spoke, “One condition, though.”

“Uhu?” James shrugged, “Anything you’d like.”

“Peter’s in as well.” Lupin crossed his arms again and glared stubbornly at Sirius.

“As in…” Sirius started, thinking of the pudgy boy he’d met some days ago.

“Don’t you dare.” Lupin’s voice had a dangerous edge to it, “Don’t you, for one second, dare. If you want me then you’ll have to take him as well.”

Sirius glared at him but Lupin didn’t stand down, instead he held Sirius’ gaze until James cut in, “Sure, it’s a deal. Shall we say this afternoon? We’ll meet in the park.” Lupin looked away from Sirius and shook the hand offered to him by James while Sirius scowled.


	2. On a Dark Desert Highway

“I can’t believe we’re meeting here.” Lupin said, eyeing the empty industrial building suspiciously.

“I’m sorry if it doesn’t live up to your usual standards, your majesty.” Sirius scowled back and bowed deeply.

“My ‘usual standards’ being not freakin’ illegal.” Lupin combed a hand through his hair and looked at Sirius in a way that indicated that if they ended up in jail it would be his fault. Which wasn’t fair at all since it had been James’ idea to begin with.

“Shall we get to it?” James cut in.

“Let’s. Why don’t you two show me your dancing, so I know what I’m working with?”

“Two? What about Peter?” Sirius demanded.

“It may have escaped your notice but I actually know him.” Lupin replied deadpanned, “So that would be unnecessary. Why don’t you start if you’re so determined to have people dropping their clothes?” he said sweetly, grinning slightly at Peter.

Sirius swore under his breath and glared at James who looked back at him as if daring him to go on.

“Where do you want me?” Sirius laced his voice with a mocking seductive tone that seemed to go straight over Lupin’s head.

Lupin gestured to a secluded corner and started the music, he then proceeded to sit down on a low wall opposite to the place Sirius was standing, “Whenever you’re ready.” he said as he crossed his arms.

While Sirius shrugged off his jacket he started to get nervous. He knew he could be charming and seductive but what he also knew was that he couldn’t dance and especially not to some slow porn music. So he did the only thing he could; wiggled around a bit, hopefully following the music, and then grabbed his shirt to pull it off.

“I said ‘dance’, maybe implying stripping, not ‘take off you clothes’.” Lupin said in a mocking voice.

Sirius bit back a reply and moved his hands to his hips instead. He rolled his hips in small circles as he was trying frantically to come up with something a bit more impressive. With one hand rubbing slow circles on his hip he slowly dragged the other through his hair, then after shortly resting it on his neck he moved it down to his chest.

It wasn’t the smoothest thing ever but Sirius figured that it went relatively good, at least he did until he was cut off by something sounding suspiciously like muffled laughter, his eyes snapped to Lupin who’d clasped a hand over his mouth, “Stop, please stop.” Lupin gasped.

Sirius stopped and sent him the evillest look he could muster.

“That was…” Lupin started.

“Bloody awful.” James finished the sentence, earning a snicker from Peter.

“Basically,” Lupin agreed, “I see now why you were so desperate to get a teacher.”

“We’re not desperate.” Sirius snapped.

“Ummm, Pads,” James mumbled, “We actually kinda are.”

Sirius swore again and picked his jacket up from where he’d left it.

James didn’t do much better. In fact he was pretty damn terrible. He was in no way following the music and Sirius had to look away several times when he couldn’t handle the second-hand embarrassment anymore, Peter, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying himself, judging by the way he stared wide-eyed at James. 

Right after Lupin had told James to “Drop the jacket” he stopped James, “That’s great, much better. There’s some finesse to do but… it’s better.” he was lying, Sirius could hear it in his voice but he had no idea as to why and it was in no way improving his mood especially since the ‘better’ could only mean ‘better than Black’.

“If you’re so great at it that you can determine how good people are, why don’t you do it, then?” Sirius finally snapped at Lupin, ignoring the warning look he got from James.

Lupin looked like he was going to protest but, much to Sirius’ surprise, he shrugged “Why not?” he said as he kicked off from the wall he’d been half sitting, half leaning on.

Sirius smugly took over the abandoned spot, “Whenever you’re ready.” that earned him the extreme-glare from Lupin that he’d been angling for as the other man started the music.

As Lupin started rubbing lazy circles on his stomach, Sirius could practically feel the way his own smug grin was slipping he vaguely wondered if it was even legal to move one’s hips that way in a semi-public place before he completely forgot to think. 

It was a bit like the time Sirius had seen him normal-dancing just with more sex to it.

Lupin was almost floating but much more aware of himself and his surroundings than he’d been the last time. He dragged both his hands through his short hair so slowly that it was almost agonising to watch before slowly caressing his neck and collarbone. By the time Sirius realised that Lupin was mocking him by performing something close to Sirius’ own dance he couldn’t bring himself to care all that much.

Lupin slid his hands over his body so naturally as if he’d been naked and Sirius started to imagine what he’d look like without all the clothes on. Then he started sliding his jacket off and that definitely didn’t change the path Sirius’ thoughts were taking.

With the jacket pulled down from one shoulder Lupin moved his entire body in the circle his hips was making until he stood with his back to Sirius. The jacket came off the other shoulder and Lupin held the position for a moment, giving Sirius time to wonder what the shoulder blade he could see the outline of through Lupin’s shirt would taste like. With a slithering sound the jacket slid all the way down and landed on the floor where Lupin kicked it away.

Then he was slowly turning around again, catching Sirius’ gaze as he dropped down on all fours. He started slowly crawling towards Sirius and as he came nearer his otherwise brown eyes looked much darker than usual. Never once did he break the eye contact, which was a shame, really, because it meant that Sirius almost missed the way Lupin’s shoulders rolled under his clothes and the way his entire spine swayed as he moved with cat-like agility.

When Lupin stood almost between Sirius’ legs he looked like he was going to purr. Instead he placed a hand on Sirius’ knee, using it to pull himself up. Suddenly his face was less then an inch away from Sirius’ and Sirius could almost taste him when Lupin whispered, “Good enough?” 

In less than a second the warmth disappeared and Sirius was trying to regain control of his face, he hoped his bafflement didn’t show and he certainly hoped that the slight disappointment he for some reason was feeling wasn’t apparent either, “Good enough.” Sirius tried to sound cool but in the end it came out as more of a rasp. 

“Please, for the love of God, never do that while I’m present ever again.” James made a strangled sound then stage-whispered to Peter, “I feel unclean.”

“That’s the point.” Lupin grinned in a way that would’ve been endearing if it hadn’t been by someone who was practically a walking innuendo. And if Sirius hadn’t been so aroused that he felt drunk. Sirius made another attempt at shaking the feeling off because, to be fair, he felt unclean as well, in a way that would’ve been great if had been caused by someone less arrogant. And if the person in question weren’t still standing so close to Sirius that, theoretically, he could touch him if he reached out. 

“Alright, you’ve done your dancing, Sweetie, isn’t there an off switch?” Sirius finally scowled when it all got too much.

“To what?” for some reason Lupin looked confused.

“That.” Sirius indicated Lupin’s entire person. The way he held himself confidently, head raised and shoulders slumping slightly in relaxation. The way his hair was standing up and he had a sort of dishevelled air about him and the way he was swaying to the music that was still playing.

“What?” Lupin was still looking confused but, almost unconsciously, he tensed up and closed around himself. Crossing his arms but still swaying a bit.

Sirius cleared his throat and firmly told himself that he didn’t immediately miss the Lupin he’d seen a glimpse of, “Personal space.” he ended up saying. Which regrettably made Lupin blush and step back. Looking back, Sirius might’ve been able to tell the outcome of that remark.

“And please don’t call me ‘Sweetie’.” Lupin said, looking down.

“Why not?” Sirius had a feeling he was being a dick but somehow he felt entitled to it.

“Just don’t.” Lupin still wasn’t meeting his eyes.

“Okay, Sweetie.” Sirius noticed how Lupin was shrinking and it gave Sirius some kind of satisfaction. That Lupin was a good dancer didn’t mean he could tell Sirius what to do or degrade him.

“So where do we go from here?” James asked.

Lupin’s attention went straight to James, “I think we’d better start with the basics.” he said in his usual monotone tone.

“Like…?” 

“You could do the music thing.” Peter squeaked and Lupin looked like he was seriously considering it.

“That’s a good idea, Peter.” Lupin shot him a small smile, “All three of you get over here.”

When the three of them was standing on the middle of the floor Lupin restarted the music that had stopped some time during their argument. It was a different song this time, a bit faster and the beat was more defined.

“Just feel the beat.” Lupin told them, “You don’t have to dance or anything, you can just shift your weight a bit around if you want. The important thing is that you feel it.”

Sirius stood for a bit, considering telling Lupin that he was a crap teacher but ended up deciding against it. When even James looked pissed with him it was time to back down a bit.

It was a shitty song but Sirius decided that he might as well try. He closed his eyes and tried moving his feet a bit back and forth. He felt ridiculous but after a couple of minutes he started feeling the beat in his chest. It was like the music spread from his heart and out in his limbs, like a warm liquid had been poured into his blood. It reminded Sirius of tequila shots and he decided to just roll with it.

He flexed his shoulders and swayed a bit, shifting his weight and as he became more and more aware of his body he realised why it was important to actually feel the music. 

He tapped his fingers at his thigh and slowly opened his eyes. Which turned out to be a mistake, apart from the fact that an empty grey hall was a huge turn off, Lupin was showing James something and apparently the guy had a serious issue with personal space. Lupin was standing very close to James and with his fingertips he tapped the rhythm on James’ chest. 

Sirius tried to ignore it, instead focussing on Peter who was doing surprisingly okay. He closed his eyes again but the heat from before had settled itself in his stomach in a tight ball of something like anger. He tried to redirect it to his chest or uncurl the ball but it didn’t help, instead he grew more and more annoyed. 

Sirius snapped his eyes open and walked over to a wall to sit, knowing that he wouldn’t get any results from trying more today. Lupin was still touching James but suddenly he lifted his head and looked directly at Sirius. He said something to James and stalked over to Sirius.

“What are you doing?” he demanded, hovering over Sirius.

“Sitting.” 

“I can see that. But it was you who asked me to help.” Lupin pointed out.

“So?”

“So, you have to make an effort if you want to improve.” Lupin had placed his hands on his hips again which seemed to be his default setting.

“I have made an effort, Sweetie.” 

“No, you haven’t, and don’t call me that.” Lupin growled.

“A bit touchy, aren’t we?” 

Lupin took a deep breath and looked like he was looking for his last bit of patience “No, I just thought I made it clear earlier that I would appreciate it if you’d stop calling me that.” 

“You don’t control me.”

“And so what? You think you can just shit on people?” Lupin was practically snarling at him.

“I’m not shitting on anyone, it’s just a nickname.” 

“Yeah, and I asked you to stop because I don’t like it.”

“Well tough, Sweetie” and okay, Sirius might have been partly to blame for what happened next.

Lupin dragged him to his feet and slammed him against the wall “I asked you to stop calling me that.”

Sirius sneered and pushed Lupin, which only made Lupin pin him to the wall. 

Sirius kicked him but Lupin didn’t even flinch, he simply placed his leg between Sirius’ to make it harder for him to do any serious harm.

“Let go of me.” Sirius snapped more than a little embarrassed that a guy smaller and peakier looking than himself could so easily immobilise him.

“Not until you stop calling me that.” Lupin looked like fire and rage and was generally pretty intimidating. 

“Stop it!” James snapped at them “This is never going to work if you keep fighting.” James pointed out. For some reason that made Lupin let go and Sirius considered hitting him, “Black, if you lay as much as a finger on him we’re no longer living together.”

Sirius scowled and started to push his way past Lupin but in the process Lupin grabbed his arm, not as violently as before, Sirius could probably shake him off if he wanted to and he was just about to do so when Lupin loosened his grip even more and looked him directly in the eye.

“This might be some kind of game to you but it actually matters to me. It’s fine that you don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself, I don’t care, you can do as you like but I refuse to be walked over because you’re used to have everything your way. You don’t know me, you don’t know why I ask you to stop but I do and I’ll ask you to please respect that.” 

Lupin let go of him and Sirius felt like smashing something, preferably something of Lupin’s.

“What time is it?” Lupin suddenly asked.

“6:45.” Peter offered.

“Shit.” Lupin whispered and grabbed his bag. He frantically looked around and then seemed to decide that he didn’t want to get the rest of his stuff, “Got to go. See you all here tomorrow, same time?” and then he was gone.

“What was that about?” Sirius asked baffled. He turned to Peter, expecting him to know.

Peter made a face “He has a dancing lesson at 7.” 

“You’re a terrible liar, you know that?” James said at the same time as Sirius was saying, “Really?”

“It really is true.” Peter protested.

“If you say so.” Sirius shrugged.

“What are you guys doing tonight?” Peter asked.

“Going to get laid.” Sirius offered.

“You’re so full of shit.” James marvelled, “We’re going out to eat because someone forgot to buy groceries. And then that someone is probably going to get shitfaced and if there’s a cute waiter then the earlier statement might become relevant. Why, do you wanna come?”

“Really?” Peter was grinning then his face fell a bit and he turned to Sirius, “If you don’t mind.”

“You’re welcome. As is Lupin but apparently he’s too cool to hang with us.” Sirius snapped. He oughtn’t be bothered about it since the guy was five kinds of crazy but he was.

Peter laughed uneasily.

“He’s fun at parties.” James confided in Peter who reacted with a real smile.

xXx

The evening and night went by in a blur and when Sirius woke up the next day with a pounding headache he honestly couldn’t remember much. 

Sirius vaguely remembered drinking a bottle of wine by himself and then hitting on the waiter but that was pretty much ruined when they’d bumped into one of Peter’s flatmates, Alice or something. 

She’d been nice enough but sort of alternative for instance she’d told Sirius something along the lines of “Apologising doesn’t mean that you’re wrong as a person, it just means that you’re acknowledging that you’re a good person capable of making mistakes and that you in that incident were wrong.”

When Sirius had asked her what the fuck she meant by that she’d just smiled and told him he looked like someone who was trying to convince himself that he hadn’t fucked up when he actually had. Granted, she’d been pretty wasted at the time and giggled as she’d told him about her quite uninteresting sex-life. 

She’d been excellent company but half of the time she’d said things that’d made Sirius think way too much for comfort, which meant that eventually, while she’d been going on about how much you could accidentally scar a person, Sirius had left the table and chatted the waiter up again.

Sirius might not be a good stripper but he was excellent with his mouth and so was the waiter, as he’d later discovered in the bathroom. That the blowjob had left Sirius unsatisfied and angry was a mystery but it’d meant that he’d gone home relatively early and alone. It also meant that when Sirius woke up with a massive hangover he was in a foul mood.

“This is all your fault.” he grumbled at James over a cup of coffee. 

“I’m pretty sure that you not getting laid is your own fault. The guy seemed willing enough and it certainly wasn’t my fault.” James winked at him.

“He was.” Sirius said absently.

James spat his coffee out, “Jesus, Black it’s 8 in the morning.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Sirius said, genuinely confused.

“I think I got the general idea anyway, from your expression.” James swore under his breath.

“You started it.” Sirius reminded him.

“I know.” James sighed, “But if it’s not about sex why are you so grumpy, then?”

Sirius dragged a hand through his hair, “Not quite sure to be honest.” he admitted.

“Well, cheer up, you’re going to spend the entire day with your favourite person.” James beamed.

“I thought Jim Morrison was dead.”

“I meant _me_ , you dick.” James huffed.

“Shame.”

xXx

The second Sirius saw Lupin his stomach tied itself into a knot. The fact that Lupin refused to meet his eyes or even touch him didn’t exactly help either. 

He couldn’t focus at all and when Lupin was finally on the verge of yelling of him, James suggested that they took a break. 

Lupin retreated to a corner where he curled his legs up in front of him. Sirius cast several glances at him and slowly Sirius realised that he felt pretty awful about the way he’d behaved the day before. He took a deep breath and approached Lupin.

When Sirius was standing right in front of him Lupin looked up at him and curled up even tighter, “Go away.”

“No.” Sirius said and sat down in front of Lupin.

“Look, I really don’t have the energy for this right now.” Lupin backed even farther into the corner.

“I know, I’m… Just, you don’t have to say anything, I just want to…” Sirius was looking at his hands.

Lupin didn’t say anything, which Sirius took as a sign to go on.

“I just wanted to apologise. For yesterday. You’re right, I don’t know you, I don’t know why you react the way you do but that doesn’t even matter. If you say you don’t like something then you don’t like it and I don’t care if it’s a tragic backstory or it’s just a thing you don’t like. So, yeah, I was a total dick and I’m really, really sorry.”

Lupin had uncurled a little and was cocking his head.

Sirius ran a hand through his hair, “I just keep fucking up, don’t I?”

“Yeah.” Lupin agreed.

“I’m trying not to, honestly, I am. I’m just not very good at it. I don’t think I have enough practise.” Sirius felt his cheeks grow hot and that just wasn’t happening. Sirius Black didn’t blush like a little girl, “Yeah, that’s basically it.” he started to rise but suddenly Lupin’s hand was on his arm.

“You’ll need someone to practise on, then.” Lupin said in an almost soft voice and Sirius was practically dragged back to the floor by the shy smile that met him.

“I will, won’t I?” Sirius smirked, “Are you volunteering?”

“It doesn’t seem I have much of a choice, do it?”

“I don’t know, if you ask me nicely I’ll probably leave you alone. James is the stalker, not me.” 

“Well, that’s comforting.” Lupin snorted.

“I know.” 

“I’m still mad at you, you know.” Lupin said suddenly.

“You always have been.” Sirius commented drily.

“No, I haven’t.” Lupin said in a voice much softer than what Sirius was comfortable with.

That statement took Sirius by surprise, “Your first remark, like ever, was ‘You can’t smoke in here.’.” 

“Really? Are you sure?” Sirius nodded, “I can’t really recall it but…”

“Good to know I made an impression.” Sirius shook his head. The silence stretched into something almost uncomfortable and Sirius decided to say the first thing he could think of, “Why do people call you ‘Remus’?”

“You’re joking.” Lupin looked like he wasn’t sure whether he should laugh or cry.

“Umm, no.” Sirius felt like he was missing something.

“It’s my name.” Lupin looked like he was going to have a heart attack from suppressed laughter. 

“Really?” Lupin nodded, “I’m so sorry for you.”

“What, why?” Lupin was furrowing his brows.

“What kind of people names their kid ‘Remus’?”

“Are you serious? You’re named after a freaking star and you’re making fun of my name?” Lupin huffed out an indignant breath.

“Yeah, I am, Remus.” it was meant as mockery but in that moment Sirius decided to start calling him by his first name.

“Okay, Sirius.” Remus looked like he’d come to the same conclusion as Sirius had moments before and suddenly they were grinning at each other.


	3. Voices are Calling from Far Away

“It’s the song. I can’t dance to this crap.” Sirius exclaimed. They’d been doing this for hours and they were making no progress at all.

“It’s Annie Lennox.” Remus said as if it explained everything.

“So?” 

“What do you mean ‘so’?” Remus had placed his hands on his hips and was glaring at Sirius.

“It’s still crap.” Sirius shrugged.

“Oh, no.” he distantly heard Peter groan to James.

“Are you saying that Annie Lennox is crap?” Remus demanded.

“What if I am?” Sirius smirked.

“Don’t you have any taste?” 

“I’m not the one liking songs about tiny ass birds.” Sirius felt like pointing out. For some reason Remus didn’t seem like he appreciated it. 

“Why don’t you like her?” Remus almost pouted, as if he’d just been personally insulted.

“Just drop it.” he heard James sigh.

“I just don’t.” Sirius had mainly said it to piss Remus off but actually he had something against her. He didn’t like being stereotypical gay.

“What do you like, then? Please, enlighten us. What kind of music do you think we should use?” Remus snapped. 

“Led Zeppelin.” Sirius said, mainly to be a nuisance.

“And how exactly are you gonna strip dance to Stairway to Heaven?”

“That’s not their only song.” Sirius pointed out, “I was thinking something along the lines of Black Dog or something.” he shrugged because it was too late to back down now.

“I would pay good money to see that.” James snorted.

“Yeah, why don’t you show us,” Remus smiled sweetly.

It wasn’t a good idea, it really wasn’t, “Fine.” Sirius snapped and grabbed his iPod. 

It wasn’t thought though at all but as the music started and Sirius flicked his head back he felt the music float through his veins. He knew it was a lot more explosive than what they’d done so far but Sirius liked the extra drama the heavy beats and sudden changes in the song added. 

When Sirius finally opened his eyes he stared at Remus who was in shock. Sirius smirked and in one swift motion he dragged his shirt over his head and threw it at Remus. Remus looked like he was going to choke and that made the entire thing worth it. 

When the song finished Remus was squinting at him as if trying to figure something out. “Are you just pretending to be crap to get to choose the music?”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked.

“You’re obviously pretty skilled so I don’t get why you haven’t shown it before.” it would have been a compliment if it hadn’t been delivered in an accusatory voice.

“I think what Remus is trying to say is that that was marvellous.” James offered. 

“What I’m trying to say is that you’re a stubborn little cheater.” Remus glared at him and then thrust the shirt back at him.

“I’m not.” Sirius argued, putting the shirt back on, “I told you, I can’t do it with crap music.” 

“Nobody can be that dependent on music.” Remus crossed his arms.

“Umm, yeah, it’s kind of the main part of it.” 

“I’m sorry to interrupt your delightful argument but I can assure you that Pads really is shit at dancing like 95% of the time.” James informed them.

“So you’re expecting me to believe that whether you can dance completely depends on the music?” Remus had a confused look about him and suddenly he threw his hands in the air, “Fine, you can pick the music, I don’t care.” 

“Are you serious?” Sirius grinned. 

“No, that would be you, I think.” Remus said and Sirius had to go over that sentence to realise what was happening.

James groaned, “You don’t even want to know how many times Sirius made that joke in secondary school.” 

Sirius was gaping at Remus, “You beat me to it. That’s my pun.” he looked at James, “He made it before me.”

James rolled his eyes, “Fuck off, Black, I don’t want to be a part of anything related to that joke ever again.” 

“Spoilsport.” Sirius pouted.

“How many times in total has he made that joke?” Peter asked James.

Sirius couldn’t hear what James muttered under his breath but he didn’t seem happy. 

Remus shook his head with a small huff and fished his phone out. He cast a glance at the display before exhaling deeply, “I have to get going.” 

“Okay.” Sirius shrugged, “Prongs, are we going out tonight?”

“I don’t know, I think you might die of alcohol poisoning if we do.” James grinned.

“Since when has that ever bothered you?” 

“Are you implying that I don’t care for you?” James gasped.

Sirius bit his lip thoughtfully “Yeah, I might think I am, actually.” 

Peter snickered at that and Sirius suddenly noticed that Remus had gone.

“So, are we going out?” Peter asked.

Sirius grinned, “Yeah, yeah we are.”

xXx

In the end James went with them as well and Peter turned out to be an incredible wingman. He wouldn’t shut up about how amazing they both were and after he’d discovered that James wasn’t interested in anyone he’d very quickly picked up on Sirius’ type. Which meant that when the night was over Sirius had gotten even more offers than usual and ended up going home with a man with short brown hair and huge hazel eyes. 

The man was reasonably attractive and inked. It wasn’t anything big, just a small full moon on his hip but it was a huge turn-on nevertheless. He showed it to Sirius as they stumbled into the apartment at the same time that he was telling Sirius to be quiet and the two things seemed connected but they were both too drunk for any actual communication to take place. 

Sirius stopped in the hall and gaped at the place because it was huge and obviously expensive. As a rule Sirius didn’t touch rich men with a ten foot pole but suddenly there were rough hands tearing his jacket off him and a warm tongue lapping at his neck and who could refuse that?

Afterwards Sirius rolled out of the bed with a worn-out and satisfied feeling settling in his body. He knew it wouldn’t last for long, it never did, but right now he marvelled in it. He picked up his clothes and within five minutes he was waiting for the lift.

Sirius was absently humming as he decided to pick up a pizza before going home. He was so lost in a dream involving a hot shower that when the lift dinged he walked straight in before noticing that he wasn’t alone.

He stared directly at Remus who stared back wide-eyed. They both instantly knew, apart from the fact that the possibilities of what you can be doing in a strange apartment complex at 3 am were quite limited, Remus had a fucked-out look about him. Sirius knew that he looked awful himself but Remus looked positively wrecked. His hair was a mess, his lips were swollen and he was bleeding from something that looked suspiciously like a bite-mark to Sirius. 

In a way he had an air of sex about him with the way he looked and smelled but for some reason he looked defeated. He was sagging against the mirror in the lift and had wrapped his arms tightly around his stomach. Had they met any other place Sirius would have considered checking if he was okay but you just couldn’t do that under the current circumstances. 

Instead they stood next to each other awkwardly until the lift stopped and Remus darted out while Sirius kept his pace very slow to put distance between them.

xXx

Sirius had expected the day after to be awkward at best but when Remus didn’t as much as blink when they greeted each other, Sirius decided that he wouldn’t be affected by it either. That was a thing he was good at; pretending like nothing had happened no matter the circumstances, he had to be or his work life would’ve been a living hell, when he had any. The only thing really required was that the other person didn’t mention it either.

“I’m going to get us a pizza.” James declared when they’d been at it for a little over an hour.

“Have fun,” Sirius waved at him and sat down, making it clear that he wasn’t coming.

“Really, Pads?”

“Yeah, I’m staying here.” Sirius leaned against the wall.

“Remus, Peter?” James inquired.

Sirius saw the face Peter made at Remus but didn’t quite register it until Peter went over to James and Remus said, “I think I’m staying here as well.”

“Okay, we’ll bring it back to you, because we’re good people.” James pouted before leaving with Peter trailing behind him.

“What was that about?” Sirius asked.

“What?” Remus sat down next to him.

“Peter, does he have a crush on James or what is going on?”

“Peter has a girlfriend.” Remus stated as if that explained everything.

“So?” 

“So, they’re happy together and Peter doesn’t even swing that way. I think it’s more of a hero-complex.” Remus shrugged.

“With James?” Sirius snickered.

“Yeah, with you as well I think.”

“Well, I get it with me, but James? Seriously?” 

Remus gave him a deadpanned look, “I don’t even want to reply to that.” After a moment Remus spoke again, “Can I ask you something?”

Sirius tensed up that sentence was never followed by anything pleasant, “Sure?” 

He noticed that Remus was wearing a band aid on his neck, “Why does James call you ‘Pads’?” Remus blushed a little.

Sirius relaxed, “It’s short for Padfoot. It’s a stupid story, really.”

“Go on.” 

“When we were in school some boys thought that I was always following James around like a dog, so they started calling me Dog. Obviously that’s like the least creative insult ever and in the beginning it seemed really stupid but they kind of kept doing it and as time went by I just got fed up with it. So James and I made it into a nickname, to mock them and slowly they stopped but the nickname stuck.”

“That doesn’t sound very nice.” Remus wrinkled his nose.

“No, it’s cool, I really like it actually. We turned their own weapon against them, you should’ve seen their faces, I don’t think I have ever seen anyone look that pissed.” Sirius laughed, “Besides, I like dogs and it’s a great nickname. I even have a tattoo to go with it.”

“I noticed.” 

Sirius nearly choked, “What?”

“You know, when you tore your shirt off and danced around in front of me. I’d have to be pretty blind not to see it.” Remus lifted an eyebrow, “We are talking about the one on your chest, the paw, aren’t we?” 

“Umm, yeah, we are.” Sirius hesitated a second too long and the next second Remus asked, “How many?”

“How many what?” Sirius smiled innocently.

“Don’t give me that.”

“Fine, fine, I have one more.” Sirius sighed.

“You don’t have tattoo of the Canis Major, do you?” Remus squinted at him.

Sirius laughed, “No, don’t worry.” 

“You just seem like the type to have some shitty tattoo with your name.” Remus shrugged.

“And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” that was actually part of why ‘Padfoot’ had stuck, he was named after the dog-star and to transform the name given to him by his parents into a name given by a friend had worked perfectly.

“Nothing, nothing.” Remus shook his head, “Of course it would be a bit of a turn-off to have a constellation tattooed on your dick.”

“Why would I have a tattoo on my dick?” Sirius spluttered.

“If you’d seen your face when I told you I noticed, you would’ve come to the same conclusion.” Remus shrugged.

“What’s wrong with you? It’s on my hip.” Sirius exclaimed, “Why would anyone even get a penis tattoo? Okay, maybe if it’s cool.”

“What, like a dragon?”

“Yeah or the Midgard Serpent.”

“If anyone had Jörmungandr tattooed there I wouldn’t let them…” Remus trailed off and was suddenly looking embarrassed.

“You’re right, it would be kind of awkward.” Sirius agreed, he had no idea if Remus was alarmed by sex or by his own sexuality, probably the latter but it was a conversation that none of them would enjoy having so Sirius let it slide.

Remus shot Sirius a thankful look but didn’t get time to reply before the door was slammed open. 

“We have returned from our dangerous quest.” James declared and dropped the pizza in front of them as he sat down, dragging Peter with him.

Peter nudged James with his foot, “Tell them who we met.”

“Oh, yeah.” James lit up and whispered dramatically, “Lily.” 

Sirius groaned, “What did you do?” 

“Nothing.” James replied a little too quickly.

“What. Did. You. Do.” Sirius demanded.

“I might have told her that we’ll perform next Friday. Don’t worry, Alice has promised that she’ll book the bar where she works for us.” 

Sirius stared at James, “And how on earth are we gonna do that?”

“I have to agree,” Remus chimed in, “You don’t even have choreography.”

“No, but we have you.” James smiled winningly and patted Remus on the shoulder.

Remus swore under his breath, “There is no way this is going to end good.”

“I hate you.” Sirius glared at James.

“No, you don’t.” James beamed back, “At least not yet.” he added.

Sirius groaned “Are you entering some kind of competition to fuck up as much as humanly possible on one single trip for food?”

“Relax, it’s not that bad.” and that was somehow not helping at all, “I just told her that we’re going to go for the Full Monty.”

“No.” Sirius simply said and crossed his arms.

“Come on, what’s the problem?” for some reason James looked genuinely confused.

“The problem is that I’m not having hundreds of people staring at my junk.” 

“Most of them have probably seen it already.” James pointed out.

“What did you say?”

“Sirius, half the city has seen your genitals.” James said and Remus nearly choked on the slice of pizza he was eating.

Sirius was starting to get mad when he realised that James had a point, “Not the female part of the city.”

“And that is an issue how?” James asked.

“It…” Sirius started, “Isn’t…”

“Great. Now that’s settled; any thoughts on choreography?” James directed the last part towards Remus.

It turned out that Remus had and as they all discussed it, the dusk settled around them.

“You do know what time it is, don’t you?” Peter suddenly said, directed to Remus.

Remus’ expression darkened, “No, not today.” he said, offering no explanation, “What do we do with trousers?” he asked, picking up the conversation.

“No Velcro.” James said immediately, “It’s so awkward when strippers kind of just tear their trousers off.”

“I’m not gonna ask where this extensive knowledge comes from.” Sirius snorted.

“I’ve been researching.” James said as a matter of factly, “While others has been out enjoying themselves.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you’ve been Youtubing for videos with male strippers in the middle of the night?” Sirius burst out in a full laugh, “That’s a little sad, mate.”

James briefly scowled before joining Sirius’ laughter. Shortly after Peter chimed in and Sirius could feel Remus shaking with laughter from where their shoulders were pressed together.

In that moment Sirius felt warm and sated and when he later that night accidentally discovered a bag of white powder in Remus’ jacket, he told himself that the pang he felt hadn’t got anything to do with the sense of almost-friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song they're dancing to at the beginning is Annie Lennox' 'Little Bird'. I chose it because a) It's used in the movie Strip Tease b) Annie Lennox rocks.


	4. Stop for the Night

“I’m asking one more time only.” Sirius said in a low growl.

Peter, who he had cornered, looked at him with wide eyes.

“Where does Remus go?” It was Friday and the fourth time Remus had suddenly darted out of the door with a panicked expression.

“I’ve already told you. He has dancing lessons at 7.” Peter squeaked, very visibly wishing that James hadn’t left already to meet Alice at the bar.

“And I’ve already told you that I don’t believe you.” Sirius sneered because no one would look that pained and scared to go to dancing lessons.

“I’m not lying.” 

“Clearly not.” Sirius drawled.

“I’m not.”

“Peter, we’re friends, aren’t we?” 

“Are we?” Peter asked eagerly.

Sirius nodded “And you know what friends don’t do?”

Peter opened his mouth as if to say something.

Sirius cut him off “Friends don’t lie to each other.”

“But I’m not lying.” Peter protested.

“Yes, you are.” Sirius slammed his hand into the wall next to Peter’s head in frustration. Peter flinched violently and Sirius took a deep breath, “Listen, I just worry about him and I need you to tell me what’s going on, okay?” 

It’d been bothering Sirius every since they’d met in that elevator but as time went by Remus seemed more and more reluctant to go to whatever it was he was doing and at the beginning of every single meeting in the afternoon he seemed unhappy. Even Sirius could see that something was off.

Peter made a face, “Please don’t tell him I told you this…”

“I won’t.” Sirius immediately agreed.

“He really has dancing lessons in the evening.” and Sirius was very close to start yelling, “But it’s… He has some issues with the teacher.”

“Yeah…?” 

“I don’t really know anything about it but they used to date, back when they were partners, before the car crash.” Peter bluttered, “Honestly, that’s all I know.”

“What car crash?” he said slowly.

“The car crash Remus was in two years ago.” Peter supplied and it was not really helpful.

“And…?” 

“I don’t know anything about it, seriously.” Peter looked at Sirius as if afraid that he was going to blow up.

“Okay,” Sirius said as he backed off and turned to go, “This conversation stays between us, alright?”

Peter nodded.

“And, Peter… Thank you.” Sirius smiled.

Peter smiled back at him, “Any time.”

Sirius was out of the door in a second, on his way to the dance hall. He tried not to think about the furious urge he had to protect Remus, they weren’t even real friends yet but Sirius had had enough of people getting hurt. He quickly shrugged the thought off, he didn’t want to think about Regulus right now.

He knew that it could probably wait for tomorrow but the probability that Remus would ever tell him if he just confronted him was practically non-existing. 

Sirius stopped once he reached the door. He had to calm down, if he just burst in there and publically humiliated Remus it wouldn’t end well. He straightened his leather jacket and pushed the door open. When he walked in there he was fully prepared to search every corner of the place for Remus but as it turned out it wasn’t necessary.

The place was almost deserted and Remus’ voice cut through the air, “Please. Not here.”

Sirius followed the voice to a small corridor with doors on each side.

“What?” a voice demanded.

“It’s just…” Remus started in a shaky voice that got smaller and smaller, “Someone could see us.”

One of the doors was ajar and in the mirror on the wall Sirius could see he could see the reflection of two people. One of them was Remus who was pressing himself flat against a wall to seem as small as possible. Sirius recognised the other as the teacher from the time he and James had been there. 

“So what?” the teacher snapped.

“Nothing.” Remus said almost inaudibly, staring at the floor.

“Exactly, I own you and if I want to fuck you in the class your only concern should be which way. Am I making myself clear?”

“Yes.” Remus whispered, still looking at the floor.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you.” 

Remus lifted his head and took a breath, “Yes, you’re making yourself clear.”

The teacher grabbed Remus by the throat and slammed him against the wall, “I own you and if I don’t feel that I’m getting enough for my money…”

Remus turned almost grey, “You will.” he promised.

“I better.” the tone was low and cold. He let go of Remus who made a faint choking sound, “What’re you waiting for?” Remus immediately dropped to his knees and as Sirius heard the sound of a zipper he bolted.

He only stopped when he stopped outside his and James’ apartment, his heart was pounding and he couldn’t breathe properly. He felt sick to his bones and a black feeling settled in his guts. It was too much like last time and Sirius felt as powerless now as then. He counted to ten and stumbled into the apartment.

He felt like he was being choked and as the world slowly dimmed itself around him he blindly fumbled with the stereo. He hit the right button and with Hotel California playing he slid down on the floor and curled up. It had been his fault last time and when he really discovered what was going on it had been far too late to save his brother. He turned up for the music in the hope that it would wash away all thoughts. Within a minute he could breathe again and after restarting the song ten times he was able to get up and pour a drink, which he downed with still shaking hands.

It was okay, it was going to be okay, he just had to find a way to help Remus, he told himself and poured some more of whatever-he-was-drinking into the glass. He was slowly coming down and pulled out his phone to call James.

“Hey?” James shouted over loud music.

“What did she say?”

“Who?!” James yelled.

“Alice.”

“What?!”

“Alice!”

“What about her?!” James shouted back.

“Nothing, I’ll ask you later!” Sirius hung up and considered going for a walk but ended up falling asleep on the sofa.

xXx

They had agreed to meet in the morning the next day so when Sirius woke up to bright sunshine, hung over and in a bad mood he somehow found the will to scramble off the sofa and into the shower. The hot water did wonders for him and it wasn’t until he saw Remus that the day before hit him again.

Remus looked like he’d been to hell and back and Sirius didn’t know if he wanted to scream at him or hug him. Remus gave him a small smile when they all grumbled good morning over cups of coffee but Sirius couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Alice says it’s a go.” James beamed.

“Great.” Sirius nodded, “The only problem is that we still suck.”

“We’re working on that.” Remus informed him, “I was thinking, do you think you can remember the choreography if I dance with you?” the day before they’d kept screwing up because none of them had any idea what came next.

“That could work.” James grinned.

“What are you so happy about?” Sirius said accusingly and felt the day before fade away as he lost himself in their ordinary bicker.

“You know how we’re going to the bar tonight to check the place out? Lily is going to be there.” Sirius was pretty sure it wasn’t possible to look smugger than James did there.

“Does she know you’re gonna be there?” Sirius drawled around a cigarette.

“She’ll be thrilled.” James insisted.

Sirius snickered, “Sure.”

“Shut up.” 

“Shall we start?” Remus cut in and nudged them inside.

They really were better with Remus. The only problem was that while the three others had to strip Remus refused. That meant that when they came to the actual stripping part they started screwing up. Which was the main reason that Peter was holding a bag of ice to his eye.

“I’m really sorry, Peter.” James said for perhaps the twentieth time.

“You know, getting a belt off is hard.” Sirius commented drily in a parody of Peter two minutes earlier.

“Fuck off, Black.”

Remus was pacing back and forth and mumbling to himself, “This is never gonna work.”

“Can’t you just dance with us during the entire thing?” Sirius proposed.

“No.” Remus snapped.

Sirius was about to argue but Remus gave him a threatening look and said; “Leave it.”

“Fine, fine, if you’re so testy about it.”

“Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?” Remus asked sounding almost mad as he pointedly avoided looking anywhere near Sirius’ chest.

“Um, because you, not even ten minutes ago told me to ‘bare your damn chest, you’re stripping, not dancing for your grandmother’.”

“Did I?” Remus squinted at him, then started laughing, “This is so absurd.”

Sirius gave Remus one last worried look before laughing with him. As they caught each other’s gaze Remus’ little laugh developed into a full-bodied laugh where he threw his head back and arched his back slightly. Sirius felt a bit of the darkness in the pit of his stomach faltering away as he watched Remus, not noticing the way his own laughter stifled.

xXx

“Umm, Sirius.” Remus fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

“Yeah?” Sirius was pulling his jacket on for the trip to the bar.

Remus bit his lip so hard that it was a wonder it didn’t draw blood, “Do you think I can come with you?”

Sirius didn’t realise how long he’d been staring in disbelief before Remus bluttered; “You know, if it’s not a problem. If you want me there. I don’t have to if it makes you uncomfortable. I can just…”

“No, it’d be great.” Sirius smiled reassuringly at him, “I just thought you’d have an appointment, that’s all.”

Remus visibly paled, “Oh.”

“Hey,” Sirius nearly reached for him, “You’re very welcome if you want to.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” James threw an arm around a blushing Remus’ shoulders, “You’re in on this. Jesus, Black, what did you say to him?”

“I didn’t do anything.” Sirius protested and looked at Remus for help but the bastard was too busy looking surprised and adorable.

“Sure you didn’t.” 

“I didn’t!”

“Don’t mind him, he’s always an ass.” James told Remus, “He likes you even though he pretends not to.”

Just two hours later Sirius regretted saying yes. Remus was dancing with some guy whose name Sirius couldn’t remember and it was even worse than when Remus had been kind of stripping that first day. It involved a lot more grinding and a lot more sweating and a lot more charming little laughs. Sirius felt something protective rising in his chest and clutched his drink tighter. He was pretty sure that it was because Remus reminded him of Regulus and that it was some kind of brotherly feeling but he couldn’t really act as if they were brothers when they’d only known each other for about a week.

Sirius rose from his place at the bar and went to find James. It proved to be almost impossible so instead he started looking for Lily, after all red hair was much easier to spot than black was. He finally found her and James at a smaller bar in the back.

“Please, just let me buy you a drink.” James practically begged, “It’s just a drink.”

“No.” Lily said firmly in a way that suggested that it wasn’t the first time she’d declined.

“Why not?” James whined and was not really making a good impression with the whole maturity thing they’d split up over.

“Because I’m pregnant, okay?” she finally snapped and Sirius took one look at the way James dropped his jaw before deciding that what he had planned on saying to James could wait. He grumpily made his way back to the bar.

He pushed past all the people on the dance floor. Or at least he tried because suddenly someone was grabbing his arm, he was about to wrestle it free when a voice said, “Sirius.” and he realised that it was Remus.

Remus seemed giddy with happiness and clutched his arm, then turning to the man he’d been dancing with he proudly declared, “This is Sirius!” The man eyed him queasily and Sirius couldn’t resist snaking an arm around Remus’ waist. The plan worked to an A+ because in the next second the man made his excuses and left.

Remus turned to Sirius with an accusatory look, “That was your fault.” he pouted slightly and okay, he had to be very, very drunk because he didn’t object to Sirius’ arm around him and in the next moment he grinned at Sirius, “Now you’ll have to dance with me.”

“Eh, no.”

“Yes, I’m pretty sure that’s the rule.” Remus wriggled out of Sirius’ grip and grabbed his hands as he started to dance. Sirius rolled his eyes but joined into the improvised twist nevertheless.

Sirius had no idea what they were really dancing but he tried his best to follow and ended up finding it surprisingly fun. Or at least he did until the music changed and Remus suddenly had wrapped his arms around Sirius’ neck and was swaying slowly. They fit together perfectly and eventually Sirius gave in and wrapped his hands around Remus’ waist.

Remus stared into his eyes with brown eyes that were practically swimming, “You’re like, really pretty.” he confided in Sirius who started wondering how he’d even had time to get that wasted when he’d been dancing from practically the second they came. 

“And you’re like, really drunk.” Sirius mocked him, ignoring the warm feeling that was settling in his chest.

“Am I?” Remus’ eyes widened comically.

Sirius was in the process of nodding when a thought hit him, “What did you drink?”

“Some blue thing and then some shots, I think some of it was vodka and, oh, and we did tequila shots.” he beamed and Sirius found himself relaxing, no drugs then, pretty much anyone would get into that state with such an alcohol intake.

“No wonder you’re practically fluid, then.” Sirius shook his head. 

“I’m not fluid.” Remus protested.

“I meant it figu… figuratative… figu… you know.” Sirius made a motion with his hand that Remus couldn’t see.

“How can you say that I am drunk when you’re the one who can’t speak.” Remus said smugly and Sirius couldn’t find it in his heart to tell him that even though he might be a little buzzed he’d never been able to pronounce that word in first go.

Remus started rutting against him and Sirius detangled himself, “Time to get you home.”

“Now?” Remus pouted.

“Yes, now, before you do something you’re going to regret.” Sirius explained in a way that was really way too patient for him.

“I can’t go home like this.” Remus’ eyes widened again, “My mum… no, I can’t.”

“What exactly were you planning to do? Stay here ‘till dawn or something?” 

“Eh, no, I didn’t plan on drinking.” Remus admitted.

“Good plan, you’ve really followed it closely.”

“Shut up.” Remus pouted and Sirius got an urge to ruffle Remus’ hair, and why shouldn’t he? “What’re you doing?” he asked suspiciously.

“’m ruffling your hair.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I want to.”

“Okay.” Remus shrugged and followed Sirius off the dance floor.

Sirius led them to the exit. On the way he saw James who was kissing Lily and he decided that James would prefer it if they didn’t say goodbye. 

As soon as the cold night air hit them Remus looked confused at Sirius, “What’re we doing?”

“We’re going home.”

“But I can’t go home.”

“Then you’re coming with me.” Sirius shrugged, “I have a couch.”

“Wow, really? Congratulations.” Remus offered with a sincere expression.

“I meant you can sleep on the couch.” Sirius sighed.

“Oh, oh, that’s clever.” Remus grinned and leaned heavily against Sirius, “Aren’t your bed big enough for two?”

It felt a bit like he’d been hit by a truck “No.” Sirius said sternly and cursed Remus for not being able to handle his alcohol.

“Shame.” Remus shrugged, “Are we there yet?”

“How old are you, five?” Sirius intended to say it with an eye roll but it came out way fonder than he wanted it to.

“I’m 20.” Remus declared and threw his head back to look at the sky, “Look, you can see the Canis Major.” he grinned and pointed it out on the clear February sky.

“What is it with you and stars?” Sirius shook his head.

“They’re just really cool.” Remus said a little breathless and with brighter eyes than earlier.

“It’s giant balls of gas extremely far away, in what way is that cool?” he snorted but wrapped an arm around Remus’ waist to keep him from falling over.

Remus chewed the inside of his cheek, “It’s a whole other world that we know close to nothing about and it’s filled with potential and mystery. In what way is that not cool?” he grinned excitedly at Sirius.

“What, you wanna work for NASA?” 

Remus shrugged, “I’d rather study medicine.”

“Really? Then why aren’t you?” Sirius asked puzzled.

“Me?” Remus started laughing.

“Why not? I mean you’re bright and hard-working and all that.” 

“I’m really not, besides it would require A-levels.” he shrugged.

Sirius gaped at him, “You didn’t graduate?” 

“Nope. I’m a drop-out.” he started giggling which turned into crying.

“Hey,” Sirius tightened his grip on Remus, “It’s okay, shh, talk to me. What happened?”

“Nothing, I just couldn’t do it.” Remus sniffled, looking away, “Is it here?”

“I don’t believe you.” Sirius said as he fumbled with the keys to the front door.

“Well, that’s your problem.”

“You know what I heard?” Sirius said and he knew, he really did, that it wasn’t any of his business, he knew that he was being unfair to Peter and to Remus but he had a hard time being truly considerate at the best of times and with alcohol still clouding his brain he couldn’t stop himself, “I heard you were in a car crash.” 

The door swung open and for a second Remus wrenched away from Sirius’ grip and looked like he was going to walk away, then he clenched his teeth and looked directly at Sirius, a lot more sober than he had been before, “Who told you that?”

“Peter, don’t blame him, though, I might have threatened him a tiny little bit.” Sirius said with what he hoped was a disarming smile.

“You’re unbelievable.” Remus huffed but walked through the door, “Can’t you keep out of other people’s business for five minutes at a time?” 

“Depends.” Sirius shrugged and walked after him.

“If I weren’t drunk as fuck I would’ve punched you, you know that?”

“Yeah.”

“I might still.” Remus added.

“That’s okay.” Sirius shrugged and held the door to his and James’ apartment open for him, “You’re cute when you’re angry.” Remus did punch him then, quite a lot harder than Sirius would’ve thought him capable of.

Sirius slid half down the door and stared up at Remus who stood with clenched fists and a stormy expression “Never patronize me.”

“You broke my fucking nose.” Sirius gasped, clutching his bleeding nose.

“Good.” Remus sneered and walked out.

“Remus!” Sirius shouted after him and stumbled to his feet, “Wait! I’m sorry!” By some miracle Remus was waiting half down the stairs and looked expectantly at him, “I was joking, poor taste, I know. I’m sorry.”

Remus huffed and kept walking down, Sirius tipped back his head to try to control the blood flow, “Stop! For fuck’s sake, Remus, I’m bleeding and I’m pretty sure my neighbours are gonna call the police. Will you please come back inside? I’ll promise to behave. Please?”

Somewhere while he’d been talking Remus seemed to have been convinced because suddenly Remus stood right in front of him, “Let me have a look at it.”

Sirius tipped his head back down and plirred at Remus, “It’s not broken.” Remus stated.

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, I’m sure. Now get inside if you want me to stay. I’m not standing here while you bleed to death.”

“I thought you said it wasn’t broken.” Sirius whined but let Remus usher him inside.

“It isn’t, but in case you haven’t noticed you’re bleeding, quite a lot actually. Where is the bathroom?” 

Sirius gestured towards it and Remus dragged him in there, “Can you get your shirt off?” 

“Of course I can.” Sirius said and tried dragging it off, and that wasn’t the best idea he’d had all night. Granted, none of his ideas that night had been very good, “Ow, ow.” 

“Stop that. Sit on the toilet.” Remus instructed. Sirius decided to just do as he said and Remus gently removed his bloody shirt, “You’re quite pathetic, really.” he sighed as he soaked a towel, “This might hurt.”

Sirius tried to keep quiet while Remus dabbed the blood away and Remus generously ignored the whimpering noises he ended up making anyway.

“Hold this to your nose.” Remus said, handing him a piece of toilet paper, “And for God’s sake stop tilting your head back or you’re gonna choke. Come on.” he held a hand out for Sirius to take.

“What?”

“Do you really want to spend the rest of the night in the bathroom?” Remus huffed and Sirius took his hand, trailing after him into the kitchen where Remus started opening cupboards.

“What’re you doing?” Sirius asked, peaking at Remus from beneath the hair that fell into his face when he leaned his head forward.

“Making coffee.” Remus made a triumphant sound as he found a glass of instant coffee.

Sirius leaned against the counter and watched as Remus filled the kettle with water. “The ‘responsible adult’-look suits you.” Sirius finally said, earning him a lifted eyebrow.

“Are you referring to getting ridiculously drunk or punching you in the face?” Remus turned the kettle on and went to lean against the counter opposite Sirius.

“Actually I was thinking about the caring for after the punch.” Sirius grinned but Remus seemed to be too engrossed in staring at Sirius’ abdomen to listen, Sirius coughed awkwardly and shifted, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing, just…” Remus shook his head, “That’s the second tattoo?” 

“Oh, yeah.” Sirius said, realising that the jeans he had on a lower waist than the ones he usually wore.

Remus turned to rummage for cups, “I take it you like The Eagles, then?” he emerged with two cups.

Sirius couldn’t help but grin at him, “I would have to, to get lyrics from one of their songs tattooed on my hip, wouldn’t I?”

“You have a point, though ‘Hotel California’ hardly counts as lyrics,” Remus shrugged, pouring a teaspoon of powder in each cup before pouring the hot water over, “Is there a story to it?”

“Not one I usually tell people.” Sirius absently rubbed over the two words branded into his hip.

“I see.” Remus nodded while stirring the coffee. He handed Sirius one mug and wrapped his hands around the other, “Let’s make a deal. You tell me something about yours and then I’ll show you mine.”

Sirius almost choked on his coffee, “You have a tattoo?”

Remus made a noncommittal sound.

Sirius put his cup down on the counter and finally said, “I had this brother.” 

“Drugs?” Remus asked in a soft voice that didn’t make Sirius question how he knew.

Sirius stared at his feet, “Yeah.” 

There was a soft thud as Remus put his cup down and then he stood right in front of Sirius. He wrapped his arms around Sirius and it should have been awkward, Sirius’ arm trapped between them, still pressing the paper to his nose but it wasn’t. Sirius slowly wrapped his other arm around Remus and suddenly he felt the water pressing on his eyes. He rested his forehead to Remus’ shoulder and tried to stop from trembling.

“It’s okay.” Remus mumbled and within seconds Sirius was falling apart. The trembling got more violent and he started sobbing in a way that made his nose hurt terribly but the darkness, which usually accompanied a breakdown didn’t come. Instead of the usual choking sensation he clutched at Remus as if drowning. With Remus as an anchor he slowly stopped shaking and the world stood a little sharper.

It should have made Remus bolt. They’d known for a week and they weren’t even friends. But Remus just stood there, rubbing small circles on Sirius’ back and making small soothing sounds. Not asking any questions or telling him to put himself together. 

The crying turned into sniffing and finally Remus said, “Why that song?” 

“It’s about drugs.” Sirius shrugged, “I found it fitting.”

“That’s not it.” Remus stated, “No one ever chooses that song, it’s too obvious.” the familiarity with which he said it felt like a punch to Sirius’ gut.

“It’s stupid.” Sirius said, “When we were young we used to listen to it when our parents weren’t… good to be around. Of course that was before he got those friends and everything. But even after I ran away and he… I don’t know, it just felt right.”

“That’s not stupid.” Remus said. Of all the things he could have said, of all the questions he could have asked he went for “That’s not stupid.” In that moment Sirius wanted to tell him everything and Sirius suddenly couldn’t handle it.

“Your turn.” Sirius said and pulled as much back as the counter permitted.

“Do I have to?”

“I just told you about my dead brother and now you don’t even want to show me your tattoo?”

“Fine, fine.” Remus took a step back and then stopped. He stared at his sleeve, eyes widening in a way that would have been comical if he hadn’t been looking so horrified.

“What’s wrong?” Sirius reached for him but Remus flinched and took another step back.

“I forgot I wore something with long sleeves.” Remus’ breathing was shallow and Sirius shortly wondered how he could forget when he never wore short sleeves.

Sirius waited for Remus to continue but when he didn’t Sirius slowly asked; “What’s the problem?”

“I’d have to take my shirt off.” if Remus hadn’t looked like he was about to cry Sirius might have made a snarky comment about him almost forgetting that Remus didn’t strip but as it was the thought only grazed his mind.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want.” Sirius shrugged, “Can’t you just describe it?” he offered even though he was dying to see it.

Remus seemed to consider it, “I could… you’ve probably seen it before anyway.”

“I can assure you that I haven’t.” Sirius frowned and removed the bloody toilet paper from his nose. When he didn’t die of blood loss he placed it on the counter.

“Well, not on me.” Remus said cryptically. Remus gave him a once over, then he exhaled, “Okay.”

Remus quickly dragged his shirt off and held it to his chest as a shield, turning his side to Sirius. Sirius was too busy staring at the moon on his shoulder to notice much else. Because Sirius had seen it before; on the hip of the guy with the fancy apartment. It was a full moon and though Remus’ was bigger and more detailed it had clearly been made by the same artist. Sirius was about to ask if it was some kind of gang sign when he noticed the edge of a scar just above the moon.

Sirius couldn’t help but stare. Car crash. The words repeated themselves over and over in Sirius’ head. With his eyes he followed the scar over Remus’ chest to the place where Remus was clutching his shirt in front of him. Suddenly Sirius became aware of what he was doing and he forced his gaze away from the scarring to Remus’ face. He immediately felt sick with himself. Remus looked like a deer caught in the headlights and had bitten his lip so hard that he was bleeding. 

“I’m sorry.” Sirius said, making his voice as soft as possible. He reached towards Remus’ face but then stopped, “Can I touch you?”

Remus slowly nodded and allowed Sirius to wipe the blood from his lip. Remus closed his eyes, “Hey, look at me.” slowly Remus reopened his eyes, “I don’t care.”

“That’s bullshit.” Remus huffed and clutched the shirt harder.

“Why would I care?” Sirius asked earnestly.

“Because it’s horrible and ugly.” Remus’ lip curled in disgust and he pulled away.

“It’s not.” Sirius said, almost in a whisper. There was no reaction from Remus and Sirius was beginning to wonder if Remus had even heard him, “I honestly don’t care.”

“Sure.” Remus said and put the shirt back on, his shoulders sagging.

“Remus, I’m your friend, you could have horns for all I care.” Sirius didn’t fully realise what he’d said before it was too late. 

Remus stared at him, frozen in shock and Sirius could’ve hit himself, obviously they weren’t friends. “Friends?” Remus slowly repeated.

Sirius looked at anything but Remus “I mean, you know, we could be, if you want to.” he was way out of his comfort zone. He had told a huge hunk of his life story, for fuck’s sake he had cried and bled on the guy and now he was becoming clingy and creepy as well. Sirius was having an awesome day.

“I’d like that very much.” Remus said with a voice that was almost quivering. 

“Okay, great. I’m tired, are you tired? I’ll just find you some blankets or something, yeah?” and with that Sirius fled the room. He knew he had started it but this was coming way too close way too fast. If he were to make a list over things he should avoid, forming any kind of connection with people who were in deep shit would be on the very top, especially if that shit involved drugs and owing people money. Which made it impossible for him to explain why he was grinning.


	5. A Shimmering Light

Sirius yawned widely and traipsied into the living room clinging onto a cup of coffee. The morning light was mercilessly shining through the edge around the curtains and Sirius could feel a morning of grumpiness coming. 

He absently rubbed his neck and took a sip of the coffee. He’d never been particularly fond of instant coffee but they couldn’t afford a proper machine and neither James nor Sirius was game on making coffee through a filter. Sirius was lost in thoughts, which might’ve explained why he nearly had a heart attack when he realised that Remus was still there.

Sirius automatically took a step back. It didn’t make sense that he should be surprised, after all the plan had been that Remus was to sleep there. But after years of promising he’d stay the night, only to collect his clothes and leave as soon as his partner had fallen asleep Sirius really wasn’t used to waking up to anyone but James. That also had to be the reason why he seemed to be unable to wrench his eyes away from Remus’ sleeping form.

Remus was curled into a fetal position but looked completely relaxed though Sirius worried that he’d roll down from the narrow couch. Remus’ eyelids fluttered lightly before he slowly opened them and stared directly at Sirius. For a short second his lips curled into a soft smile and the sunlight turned his eyes golden, then the moment passed and Remus frowned, “What’re you doing?” he asked as he swung his legs off the couch.

Sirius blinked a couple of times, trying to make up some kind of excuse, “Ehm, I made coffee.” 

Remus stopped stretching and beamed at him, “Is that mine?” he gestured to the cup.

“Actually that’s mine,” Sirius admitted and Remus’ face fell, “There’s more in the kitchen but you can have this if you want.”

Remus reached for the cup and Sirius handed it over, “I drank from that.” he warned Remus.

“Don’t care.” Remus practically gasped and gulped the coffee.

“How’s the head?” Sirius grinned from the kitchen as he quickly made another cup for himself with the rest of the boiled water.

Remus grumbled something inaudible.

“That’s what you get for being such a weak drinker.” Sirius sang as he emerged from the kitchen.

Remus lifted his head from where he’d buried it in his pillow, “Are you telling me that you’re feeling fine?”

Sirius shrugged, “Okay, maybe not fine. Move over.”

Remus huffed but made room for Sirius, “You know, I’ve been thinking…” Sirius started.

“Careful, don’t’ strain yourself.” Remus said half-heartedly.

“Haha,” Sirius said drily, “No but seriously, the strip-thing. The reason you won’t strip is the taking clothes off thing, right?”

Remus visibly tensed up, “You mean if what I refuse to do is strip, then yes.”

“So if you don’t have to take your clothes off you wouldn’t mind?” Sirius inquired.

“I really don’t see where you’re going with this.” 

“Just answer the question, please.”

“No, I wouldn’t mind if it didn’t involve taking my clothes off.” Remus huffed, “Though I really don’t see the point…”

Sirius cut him off “Do you trust me?”

“What?” 

Sirius adjusted himself so that he was facing Remus, “Do you trust me?” when Remus hesitated he added, “We’re not talking ‘trust you with my life’-trust, more like ‘do you trust that I’d never purposefully to anything to harm you’-trust.” 

“I think so.” Remus slowly said, “Do you mind telling me where you’re going with this? ‘cause you’re kind of freaking me out.”

“You’ll find out. If I get James to come over here, will you call Peter?” Sirius grinned.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Remus sighed as he grabbed his phone from the coffee table.

Sirius sat his own cup next to Remus’ and found his own phone, “Just get him to meet James in the park. Ask him to bring Alice.”

“Fuck off, Black.” James’ grumpy voice sounded and Sirius sent Remus a quick grin before replying.

“And a good morning to you, too.” Sirius sang.

“What part of ‘fuck off’ wasn’t clear to you?”

“I think it was the ‘off’.”

“What do you want?”

“I need an expert on female desire.”

“And that’s me?”

“No, actually it’s Lily but you can come too. Shall we say in the apartment in an hour? Oh, and you’ll have to pick up Peter and Alice in the park on the way. See you here.”

“What? How…” he heard James say before hanging up.

Remus, who was still on the phone, eyed Sirius disapprovingly. When he finally hung up he raised an eyebrow, “Charming, Black.”

“What?” Sirius threw his arms out.

“Great conversational skills,” Remus shook his head.

“He got the information he needs, what’s the problem?” 

“For one, he just got back together with the love of his life and then you disturb them at,” Remus looked at his phone, “10 in the morning.”

“I’m pretty sure you drank more than he did and you seem to be up.” Sirius pointed out.

“Yeah, but he’s at Lily’s, they’ve just gotten back together.” Remus repeated slowly.

“You said that already.”

“I know I did, what do you think they were planning on doing this morning?” 

“Talk?” 

Remus broke out in a full body laugh that was so hard that he had to sit down.

“Is this your not so subtle way of telling me that I’ve just cockblocked my best friend?” Sirius tried to make his tone shocked but ended up laughing instead.

Remus wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, “I really hope you were joking.”

Sirius ran a hand through his hair and looked away, “Fuck off.”

Remus practically shrieked with joy.

“I just figured that they would need to talk. You know with Lily being pregnant and the breaking up and the entire thing. Lily is one of those people who insist on talking stuff through.”

Remus stopped laughing, “Sure it’s not just you who’s ‘one of those people’?”

“I’m not,” Sirius protested, “It’s just if it’s the person you plan on spending freakin’ forever with you’d have to talk about it eventually anyway.” he shrugged.

Remus stared at him, “You’re a closeted sap.” 

“No, I’m not.” 

“You are.” Remus had dropped his jaw.

“I’m not.” Sirius glared at him, “If you want to shower you better do it before this turns into the Central Station.”

“No, it’s fine, thanks.” Remus assured him.

Sirius tried to come up with a friendly way of saying ‘you smell very much like nightclub’ not that Sirius minded, he liked the rugged aura it gave Remus but he doubted that Lily would appreciate it. Finally he settled with; “You can borrow some clothes if that’s it.” 

“Really?”

“I you want to.” 

Remus bit his lip, “You’re sure it’s not a problem?”

“It’s fine, honestly.” Sirius smiled at him, “I’ll just go find something for you.” Sirius went as far as the door before realising that he had no idea if Remus wanted pants as well or what he’d even like to wear and all the decisions suddenly seemed a little overwhelming, “On second thought, come with me.”

Remus trailed after him into Sirius’ bedroom. It wasn’t impressive but it was Sirius’. It was small with only room for his bed, a drawer and a bookcase filled with records. The thing he liked most about it were the red colour of the walls and the pictures and posters hanging around. The red was almost the exact colour as the soccer team he and James had played for when they were in school. It was pure coincident, the former owner hadn’t bothered to paint the apartment and because of the odd wall colours they’d gotten the flat for less than it was actually worth.

“This is my kingdom.” Sirius declared fondly but he was a bit taken aback when Remus said, “Wow.”

“Wow in a good sense?” Sirius inquired carefully, he was fond of his room but it was in no way wow-worthy.

“Yeah, it’s great, very you.” Remus grinned at him, “Motorcycles, huh?” he gestured to a poster of a Triumph Bonneville.

“Indeed.” Sirius couldn’t help but grin back at Remus who was standing in his bedroom, hair a mess and feet bare, looking like he belonged there. 

Sirius shook the thought off and opened the drawer, “Take your pick.”

Remus blinked at the clothes and worried his lip, “I don’t really know…”

“Just pick, it’s clothes, not your future.” Sirius said more gently than he was aiming for.

Remus picked a shirt and a pair of jeans, “Would this be alright?” he asked, holding it up for Sirius to inspect.

“Seriously, it’s fine. Just, make yourself at home and if you start to piss me off I’ll tell you.” Sirius rolled his eyes as Remus flushed pink and told him “Okay” before heading for the bathroom.

Sirius stared emptily at the wall above the drawer for a couple of seconds after Remus had gone, trying to regain control of his facial features and stop the stupid grin threatening to spread on his face. Then he started looking for his laptop to write down what he’d figured out for the show.

In the end he found it under a pile of newspapers. The top one featured an article about how the recession wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. The next one with the headline ‘Policemen found dead in dumpster’. Sirius snorted and wondered why the news always had to be so depressing.

He swept the papers aside and picked up his computer, taking it over to the couch where he could put his legs on the coffee table. He flicked it open but ended up just staring blankly at the empty document. Sirius had never been one of the people to write stuff down, he was more a person who convinced himself that he didn’t have to and then an hour later forgot all about it. 

The idea stood crystal clearly in his mind but the two words he managed to write just weren’t the ones he was looking for. This was something that had caused his teachers to yell at him several times through school. When he’d turned papers in they had been flawless but more often than not he’d shrugged at the teacher and told them that the stars just weren’t in position. Which, eventually, had ended in a summer holiday spent on an extra course where he’d had to write all the assignments he’d never completed. It had been a shit holiday but resulted in some GCSE levels he was never going to use. Partly because he’d been slacking his way through school and the results were according to. Partly because he and James after graduation had started working and realised that more education just wasn’t going to happen. Which was why Sirius Black, aged 22, sat without any qualifications that could get him a job. Sirius scowled at the computer, suddenly realising why he preferred not to think too much about school.

“What’s going on?” Remus asked, about three feet from him and Sirius yelped, almost dropping the laptop.

“Nothing, except you nearly giving me a heart attack,” Sirius replied and looked up, only to stop dead in his tracks. He really hadn’t paid attention when Remus had picked clothes and the result was that Remus stood in the middle of his living room dressed in his faded Led Zeppelin shirt and a pair of jeans ten times tighter than the ones he usually wore.

Sirius must have been looking unhappy because Remus’ face fell, “Oh, sorry, I thought you said it was okay for me to borrow this.” he said, each word delivered quicker than the one before and toying with the hem of the shirt.

Sirius had to pull himself together not to continue gaping, “No, it’s fine, I’m just surprised that you chose that one, didn’t think that you liked Zeppelin.” 

Remus cocked his head, “Why not?”

“I don’t know, you just don’t seem the type,” he shrugged.

“I didn’t realise there was a certain type.” Remus said with a small laugh, “Who would that type be? You?”

Sirius tried to hide his blush and aimed for a nonchalant tone, “Maybe, less…” Sirius indicated Remus’ entire person, at a loss for words.

“Less what?” Remus crossed his arms and looked at him as if daring him to say it.

“Respectable.” Sirius finished and Remus looked at him with disbelief written all over his features.

“If you think I’m respectable you might have to reconsider your standards.” it was said with a bitter laugh that upset Sirius more than appropriate. He quickly placed the laptop on the table and stood up.

“I’ll shower, you can just… Make yourself some breakfast or something. The others should be here in a about half an hour.” Sirius informed him and left for the bathroom. 

Sirius didn’t want to leave his guest alone for an extensive amount of time so he rushed his usual grooming. He rarely had people over but even Sirius knew that he had to be a good host and so far he wasn’t doing great. 

After twenty minutes Sirius was clean and clothed, which he considered quite an achievement since it was a personal record.

He slipped back into the living room where Remus was playing a Door’s record. Sirius stopped in the doorway, shocked to see that Remus was tidying up to the sound of Soul Kitchen. Right then the domestic feeling reappeared and Sirius shook his head.

“You know, you’re not supposed to be doing that.” he pointed out. Remus flinched violently and immediately stopped what he was doing.

“I’m sorry, should’ve asked.” Remus bit his lip.

“Should’ve asked? If you were allowed to clean the place?”

“No, um, I meant the music.” Remus rubbed his neck awkwardly before resuming his task.

“As long as it’s good music I don’t mind.” Sirius grinned, “Please stop doing that, I feel like a crappy host.”

“You’re not,” Remus said, not bothering to stop folding the blanket he was holding, “I just want to help out.” he explained as he put the blanket down and turned to look at Sirius.

Sirius was about to reply when Remus started staring oddly at him, “What?”

Remus didn’t reply but walked over to Sirius who fought the urge to take a step back.

“I think I bruised you.” Remus finally said, “Come over to the window?” though it was said as a question it sounded more like an order to Sirius.

“Why?” he asked as he did what was asked of him.

“So I can see how bad it is. It’s easier to see if there’s sunlight.” Remus pulled the curtain aside, “Look at me.”

Sirius did and Remus cautiously touched a hand to Sirius’ chin, turning his head slightly so that Sirius was looking directly at him. Remus was inspecting his nose and Sirius shamelessly exploited the situation, staring transfixed at Remus’ features. Remus had slipped into a sort of focused trance, which apparently meant that he lost control over his face. His nose crinkled slightly and he had a small fold between his eyebrows. 

The music changed into something much slower and it seemed that the vocal seemed to drop several octaves. Remus looked up at the sudden change and his eyes caught Sirius’. Remus stared wide-eyed at him but left his hand where it had wandered to Sirius’ jaw. 

“You’re a bit blue,” Remus breathed, trying to diffuse the tension.

“Yeah?” Sirius replied just as breathlessly.

“It’ll heal.” Remus said softly, none of them breaking eye contact.

A loud wolf whistle cut through the air and they practically jumped apart.

“I leave for the night and then I come home to this?” James snorted, “I sincerely hope you kept sex off the sofa, we don’t have money for a new one.”

“We didn’t…” Sirius started in an aggressive tone.

“Sure you didn’t,” a voice drawled and when Sirius looked he saw that it was Lily, “He’s wearing your clothes, you know.” she said, directed at Sirius.

“Nice to see you, too, Evans.” Sirius rolled his eyes, “He was drunk and needed a place to sleep. It wasn’t really planned so he didn’t bring any himself. He kind of had to borrow.”

“Of course,” Alice smirked at him, standing with Peter next to Lily.

“Honestly, Pads, I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve by lying to us.” James said conversationally.

“He’s not lying.” Remus cut in, seeming a lot smaller than he had seconds ago.

“Fine, fine.” James held up his hands. 

“What did you want, Black?” Lily asked, “You interrupted some great heterosexual make-up sex.” she smirked at the face Sirius pulled.

“Stop that, you know that it makes me break into a rash.” Sirius made a gagging sound, “Besides, shouldn’t you stop being vulgar with the baby and all?” 

Lily stopped laughing and crossed her arms, “How do you know about that?”

“You weren’t exactly whispering when you told him,” Sirius pointed out, “So, Remus and I aren’t fucking, you’re back together, everyone’s happy, shall we continue?”

“Fine, fine,” Lily dropped down on the couch, “What’s up?”

James flung himself next to her and dramatically whispered, “The ceiling.”

Lily closed her eyes and sighed deeply, “I swear to God, James.”

“Like you’ll do in the church?”

“What?” Lily frowned.

“You know, when we marry?” James had stopped smiling and folded and unfolded his hands nervously.

Lily squinted at him, “Are you proposing?”

James set his jaw, “What if I am?”

Lily stared at him in disbelief while Alice and Peter “awww”-ed. Sirius started laughing but was efficiently cut off by Remus kicking him and glaring.

“It’s not very romantic.” Lily finally said.

“You’re right,” James immediately dropped to his knees and grabbed for the closest item at hand, “Lily Evans, will you marry me?”

Lily kept staring at him, “You’ll have to do better than that.”

“Aw, come on,” James pouted, slightly lowering the ashtray standing in for a ring.

“Look at him, Lily,” Alice said in a whiny voice.

“A bit pathetic, isn’t he?” Sirius snickered, earning him another glare from Remus.

“I am looking,” Lily patiently explained, “But I’m still slightly pissed at him.”

“Is that a no, then?” James asked, sounding heartbroken and slowly got to his feet.

“It’s a ‘you’ll have to do better’.” Lily shrugged but smiled at him.

“Big romantic gesture.” Alice whispered at him and James looked horrified.

Lily patted him on the arm, “Don’t worry, being unnecessarily dramatic shouldn’t be a problem for you.” 

James looked at Sirius for support but Sirius just shrugged, “She’s right.”

“You’re one to talk.” Lily snorted and Remus gave a small laugh.

“Sirius, didn’t you have something to say?” Alice cocked her head and sat on the floor, “It’s just Sunday’s Frank’s day off and…” she trailed off with a fond expression.

“Frank?” Sirius asked Remus in a whisper but it was Peter who replied.

“He’s Alice’s husband, works for the Police.” Peter supplied while Remus sat on the floor next to Alice.

“Oh,” Sirius cleared his throat, “Yeah, I did, it’s about the show on Friday. I have an idea. Peter, please sit down, you’re unnerving me.”

Peter quickly sat in the couch, not looking away from Sirius.

“I am in no way qualified to make these observations but here goes: I’ve been thinking; most male strippers tries to show that they’re not even the slightest bit gay even when they’re like six naked men together which tends to make the show very masculine and… explosive… and it seems that lots of girls aren’t really that into it.” Sirius started.

“Some are.” Alice grinned and tugged at the pink stripe in her hair.

“Depends on the show, most of it is pretty ridiculous.” Lily offered.

“Okay, so since we’re mainly performing for women why not make a show they actually want to watch instead of what some people think they want?” Sirius explained.

“’Some people’, more like middle aged men.” Lily said drily and Sirius could practically feel the feminist rant coming.

“Yes, thank you Evans. I’ve come up with something; we make it as homoerotic as humanly possible.” Sirius grinned.

“I think you’re mistaking this for what you want.” James said.

“Oh, unlike like the whole girl-on-girl thing some men get turned on by. Newsflash; it works both ways.” Lily said, kicking James in the shin, “Please, continue.” 

“So, what I was thinking is that one of us could be on the scene but instead of stripping he could be watching.”

Remus lifted an eyebrow, “That’s the grand plan?”

“I think it sounds great.” Peter supplied.

“I think it sounds stupid. I mean, the entire room is watching, where’s the fun in that?” James said sceptically.

“That’s exactly why it’s brilliant,” Alice said, turning so she was facing James, “It’s like breaking the fourth wall or something. You can stay 100% on the scene but then the audience could just as well be watching it on their computer but if you reach out to the audience you kinda have to choose a specific person and that’s only really cool for that person while the rest of the people there feels a little left out.”

“You’re right,” Lily chimed in, “If you do it like Sirius suggests you’ll include the watching dimension but still keep it as part of the show, for the entire audience’s pleasure.”

James grimaced, “So one of us is going to keep his clothes on and do nothing? Dibs.”

“You can’t call dibs,” Sirius smirked at the way James folded his arms, “Here comes the second part of why this is a great idea: We’re shit without Remus, right?” he waited for James to reluctantly nod, “This way we won’t have to do it without him.” 

There was completely silent until finally James said, “I’m not following.” 

“Thank God you’re so pretty,” Lily rolled her eyes, “You will be stripping, Remus will be watching.”

“She thinks I’m pretty,” James grinned, causing Lily to glare at him, “I’m sorry, sorry, I get it. It could work.”

“I think it’s brilliant.” Peter quickly agreed. 

“As I remember it, you were the one who opposed to dancing to Annie Lennox.” Remus suddenly cut in.

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Sirius looked at Remus, at least as confused as James had been moments before.

“If you want it to be less masculine and explosive or what it was you called it, it has to be to slower music.” Remus explained.

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll figure the details out later,” Sirius dismissed his objection, “So, what do you think?”

Alice raised a hand, “It depends on what you’re wearing.”

“Agreed,” Lily said thoughtfully, “It has to fit together.”

“And what you, we, will be wearing depends on the music.” Remus sweetly pointed out.

“Fine,” Sirius sighed, “Suggestions?”

“We’ve already discussed this.” James groaned.

“Well, now we’re discussing it again. Do you have an idea?” Sirius said.

“Cherry Pie?” James suggested faintly.

“That would be wrong in so many ways.” Lily frowned.

“What do you suggest, then?” James pouted.

“You Can Leave Your Hat On?” Lily shrugged.

“Congratulations, you’ve just suggested the one song that’s almost as cliché as James’ idea.” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Voodoo.” Alice suddenly said.

“What?”

“Voodoo,” she repeated, her eyes shining, “By Godsmack.” she beamed and started singing in a voice that was several notes deeper than Sirius would’ve expected.

“I don’t think so,” James said at the same time as Sirius said “What?”

“It’s not completely stupid actually.” Remus said and Sirius turned to stare at him.

“I can’t strip to that.” Sirius snorted.

“You can,” Remus argued and under his breath he added, “Drama queen.”

“I think I’ll be the judge of that.” Sirius put his hands on his hips.

“It has a great beat and the slow feeling you want without being a disgrace to music or what it is you dislike about nearly every song in existence.” Remus rose to his feet, “It’s great.” he stated, standing approximately half an inch from Sirius.

“And the outfits will be awesome as well,” Alice grinned, “Remus can wear sort of a voodoo master outfit with a skull and everything.” 

Remus started smiling and whipped around, only lightly bumping into Sirius on the way, “You’re brilliant, Alice.”

“I know.” she said and grinned at him.

“How are we going to get costumes and all that in less than a week?” Peter asked. 

“I can get costumes.” Alice promised.

“I’m not even going to ask.” Sirius said in a flat voice.

“And then we’ll just have to work hard.” Remus grinned, “We can do it.”

For some reason Sirius believed him.


	6. Some Dance to Forget

Sirius tugged at the snake necklace for what was probably the seventh time in very few minutes and shot another glance at Remus who was just putting his top hat on.

“It’s going to be fine.” Remus said without looking at him, “Besides, it’s only a rehearsal.”

“There’s a silver snake wrapped around my neck.” Sirius pointed out.

Remus finally looked at him, which turned out to be an a bit surrealistic experience since he was wearing a skull mask, “I know. You look great, come on.” he shot a quick smile at Sirius before turning to Peter and James. They were dressed in the same outfit as Sirius with plain black trousers and a black sleeveless shirt. While Sirius had a silver snake around his neck their snakes were on their upper arms, something Alice had thought appropriate when James had insisted that since the whole homoerotic thing had been Sirius’ idea he should have the leading part in that.

“Is everyone ready?” Remus asked and when he received reluctant nods from everyone he walked onto the improvised scene. They were in the factory hall but they had managed to drag a couch in for Lily, Alice and Peter’s girlfriend Mary to sit on. 

Remus should have been an actor Sirius decided as a chill ran down his spine. Even before the music started Remus looked spooky and had a kind of otherworldly air about him, which was quite an achievement on a Thursday afternoon. He had the hat tipped over his face and was leaning on his cane. Then the music started and Sirius had to focus on when he and the others should enter.

It went surprisingly well and Remus only had to mouth instructions at them once. Then suddenly they heard police sirens and they all froze up. Sirius was still straddling Remus’ lap and had just thrown his mask next to the hat, cane and dinner jacket. He distantly heard James curse as he pulled away from Remus and grabbed his hand. With a firm pull he dragged Remus after him and in a matter of seconds they were out of the back door. Sirius had no idea where they others were but he didn’t plan on spending the night in prison or getting a huge fine for being on private property.

“Run.” he advised Remus and sped up, still not letting go of his hand.

“Where are we going?” Remus asked but did as he was told.

Sirius hesitated he lived too far away for them to run all the way there and he didn’t have any great ideas, “No idea.”

Remus rolled his eyes, “Follow me.” he said and leapt into a spurt.

After a while Sirius felt like his lungs were on fire, “I can’t…” he gasped.

“That’s what you get for smoking.” Remus replied only slightly out of breath, ”Jump.” Sirius did and just in time to avoid a hedge as they ran into someone’s back yard, “We’re nearly there.” Remus promised and that was approximately where Sirius realised he was naked except for a black thong and grabbed someone’s laundry in an attempt to cover himself up.

Then they were standing at a ladder and Remus let go of Sirius’ hand and started climbing. 

“What’re you doing?” Sirius hissed.

“Trying to get into my room without my mother finding out.” Remus whispered back, “Are you coming?”

Sirius started climbing, only stopping to avoid being kicked when Remus crawled through the window. He reached the window but the sill suddenly seemed impossibly high, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Remus reached out a hand and grabbed Sirius’, “You’re pathetic.” he noted as he practically dragged Sirius into the room. When he was halfway in Sirius decided to try a little harder and kicked off from the ladder. Remus yelped and fell on his back, dragging Sirius with him, which ended with them lying in a tangle of limbs on the floor. The fact that Sirius was still clutching the stolen sheet didn’t help and their attempts at getting apart only caused them to get even more tangled.

Remus stopped wriggling under Sirius but was still snickering, “If I lay still I count on you to get us free.” he confided.

“Why am I the one who has to have all the responsibility?” Sirius grumbled through his laughter as he tried to untangle them, a task made considerably easier by Remus not moving.

“Because you’re the one on top.” Remus pointed out.

Sirius got to his feet and reached a hand out for Remus to take. Remus tentatively took it and Sirius gave it a sharp tug, causing Remus to stumble into Sirius. They both collapsed in snickers, “Wow, we’re really great at this.” Remus gasped for air. 

Sirius had almost regained control of himself as he looked down at where their chests were still pressed together, his naked against Remus’ black shirt with painted bones on and the sight was so absurd that Sirius started laughing again. Remus chimed in and though Sirius’ stomach was beginning to hurt neither could stop. 

Sirius wasn’t totally sure what happened but one moment he was laughing and the next Remus looked directly at him and someplace between their bodies touching and the intense eye contact the laughter died away until they were just staring at each other. 

He knew he shouldn’t, knew that this was a horrible idea but his hand seemed to move by its own accord, gently cupping Remus’ face. Remus didn’t move, he just blinked at Sirius with huge almost doe-like eyes and Sirius couldn’t stop. He tilted his head and slowly brought his lips to Remus’.

There was a short horrifying moment where Remus went completely stiff and Sirius started to wonder how it was possible to misinterpret a situation so terribly but then Remus buried a hand in Sirius’ hair and clasped their mouths closer together, biting down on Sirius bottom lip nearly hard enough to draw blood. A hot wave surged through Sirius’ body and when his hands roamed Remus’ chest he felt more alive than he had for days.

Remus licked into Sirius’ mouth in an almost predatory manner and Sirius responded just as violently while tugging at Remus’ shirt. He broke them apart for a quarter of a second to lift his head and locate the bed, a pause Remus used to mouth at his jawline. Sirius groaned and steered Remus backwards. The back of Remus’ knees hit the edge of the bed and with a small yelp he allowed Sirius to manoeuvre him down to the bed. In the process Remus’ mouth lost contact with Sirius’ skin and when Sirius crawled onto the bed, looming over Remus, Remus stared up at him.

Sirius leaned down and kissed Remus, deeper and slower than before. He was exploring and noticing much more than he had before where the only thing he’d really registered was the heat and the wetness. Now he was tasting and feeling; the coffee Remus had drunk earlier, the curve of his lips and the way he arched into Sirius, making the most endearing sounds. 

Sirius slid a hand under the hem of Remus’ shirt and was met by the rough contour of a scar. He followed it with a finger, ghosting over it and marvelling over the whimpers Remus made, before he pulled back and with Remus’ help dragged the shirt over Remus’ head.

He stared at the pale skin that was revealed. Remus was practically glowing, his skin reflecting the small stripe of sunshine that hit them and turning it to something looking more like moonlight. Sirius leaned down and pressed kisses to Remus’ jaw.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous.” he breathed.

Remus went completely stiff, “Stop, I can’t do this.” 

Sirius slowly pulled away, “What’s wrong?”

“I just can’t. Get off me.”

Sirius didn’t move, “I can pay if that’s it.”

“What?” Remus stopped pushing at him.

“You know for the drugs.” Sirius said hesitantly.

“What are you talking about?” Remus frowned at him.

“For your coke or what the hell it is you’re taking.” Sirius said and that turned out to be the wrong thing to say.

“You think I’m a junkie.” Remus said faintly. Then it looked like he suddenly realised something, “This is about your brother.” he went limp and for a short second he clasped his eyes shut, “This is about your brother.” he repeated and violently shoved Sirius away.

“What? No, it isn’t.” Sirius argued and sat back up.

“Yes, it is,” Remus was smiling bitterly, “You couldn’t save him and now you think you can make it all up by saving another addict.”

“No, I don’t,” Sirius was getting angry, “I care for you, okay, and I know how bad those things can turn out and I just want to help you.”

“Well, I don’t need your help.” Remus snapped.

“Oh, so the creepy guy who ‘owns’ you isn’t a problem?” Sirius crossed his arms.

Remus looked taken aback, “How do you know…”

“I followed you, okay.” Sirius admitted.

Remus pinched the brink of his nose, “It’s not about drugs,” he finally said.

“Sure it isn’t,” Sirius snorted, “Just like the bag with white powder in your jacket wasn’t coke.”

Sirius was getting worried that Remus might hit him, “It wasn’t for me,” he bit, “And it’s none of your business so just stay out of it.” he rose to his feet.

“I can’t.”

“I don’t care,” Remus sneered, “Fuck off.”

“No.”

“No?” Remus repeated, “I am fully capable of throwing you out.” he took a threatening step towards Sirius.

“I believe you,” Sirius held up his hands disarmingly, “But I don’t believe you about the drugs.”

Remus looked at Sirius with eyes filled with fire, “My mother has a heart condition, you ass. I didn’t have the money to pay for the operation. Happy?”

Sirius couldn’t do anything but stare at him.

“Get out.” Remus said in a low voice and Sirius stumbled to the window.

xXx

It was night before James came home, “Guess who’ve found us jobs.” he sang but stopped abruptly when he saw Sirius, “What’s wrong?”

Sirius uncurled from his position in the corner, knocking over an empty bottle, “I fucked up.” he rasped.

“Yeah, I can see that. What’s going on?” James crouched down in front of him.

“I offered to pay for Remus’ drugs.” Sirius admitted.

“You’re kidding,” James stared at him as Sirius shook his head, “Christ, mate, smooth, really smooth.”

Sirius rubbed his forehead, “I know.”

“You could’ve at least talked to me first since you’re apparently thick as a brick.” James huffed, “It’s Peter who’s the addict.”

Sirius wasn’t sure he could handle any more shocks that day and he just faintly said, “What?”

“I thought you knew,” James dragged a hand through his hair, “You know with the whole Snape business.”

“I didn’t…” Sirius trailed off.

“Obviously not.” James shook his head.

“Yeah, but now Remus hates me.” 

“I’ll get Lily or Peter to talk to him.” James promised and opened his mouth to say something else.

“Can you do it now?” Sirius pleaded.

James rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone, “Hey Lily? Yeah, sure, I know, listen…” he said as he went out of the room.

Sirius picked up a bottle and took a sip, or he would have if it hadn’t been empty. He frowned and turned it upside-down over the living room floor. He checked the other bottles but they were all empty. He should be worried over how often he chose to drink instead of facing his problems but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

After making sure that there really weren’t any leftovers, Sirius slumped back against the wall. He didn’t completely understand why he was more sad than angry. He had been angry. Angry that Remus had brought Regulus up. Angry that Remus wouldn’t let him help. Angry with Remus and on Remus’ behalf but somewhere on the walk home his anger had faded, leaving only emptiness. 

“She’ll talk to him.” James said as he returned, “I can’t promise anything, though, it all depends on exactly what you did.”

“I accused him of doing drugs, then he flipped his shit and started talking about my brother, I started talking about following him and then he threatened me before telling about his mother’s heart condition. Oh, and then he kicked me out.” Sirius counted on his fingers, “I think that’s about it.”

James shook his head, “Why did you talk about drugs in the first place? Couldn’t you’ve waited just a single day?”

“We were kinda in the middle of something and suddenly he was like ‘I can’t do this.’ and then it rolled from there.” Sirius shrugged.

“You said you weren’t fucking.” James said accusingly.

“We weren’t. We aren’t. We decided to argue instead.” Sirius sniffled and dried his nose with the back of his hand. 

James pinched the brink of his nose, “You’re an idiot.” 

“Thanks. Get the idiot some more liquor.” Sirius batted his eyelashes.

“Go to bed.” James grumbled.

“And what if I don’t want to?” Sirius pouted.

“Then you can sleep here. I don’t care.” James sighed, “But really, you should go to bed. It won’t be fun dancing with a stiff neck.”

“There won’t be any dancing,” Sirius exclaimed, “And it’s all my fault. And a little bit Remus’. Also yours, where were you?”

“You know, doing standard stuff like getting arrested for public indecency and breaking and entering.” James glared, “While others were nearly getting laid.”

“Relax, you’re out now, aren’t you?” Sirius smiled charmingly.

“Only thanks to Alice and Frank.” James snorted, “If not for them I’d probably still be there. Oh, which reminds me, do you remember those dead coppers?”

“Ehhh, no?”

“You know, in the papers, they’re dying all over the place and they can’t find replacements out here because everyone thinks it’s too dangerous with the town’s gang problems and all. They need new policemen pretty desperately.”

“Very interesting, does this have a point or can I go to sleep?”

“When I say that they’re ‘pretty desperate’ I actually mean they’re ‘willing-to-take-anyone desperate’.” James beamed.

“Like us?”

“Exactly.”

“Dude, no matter how desperate they are they won’t take anyone without an education.” Sirius pointed out.

“They’ll educate us.” James grinned, “I sorted the whole thing out with Frank.”

“I have to give it to you; you are pretty awesome.” Sirius closed his eyes, “Thank you.”


	7. This Could be Heaven

They only had ten minutes before they should on stage and Remus still hadn’t showed.

“Calm down, Pads, he’ll be here.” James promised and Sirius forced himself to stop pacing the room.

“I am calm.” Sirius mumbled and traced the rim of the glass he was holding, “Why don’t we find out how we do this without him?”

“Looks like we don’t have to.” James said as Remus walked in. He looked like he hadn’t slept and his miserable appearance made Sirius want to hug him.

“Remus, can I talk to you?” Sirius asked. 

James stepped on his foot but Sirius was looking at Remus who wearily said, “Don’t…”

“But,” Sirius started.

“If you want my help I suggest you shut up.” Remus said icily and picked up his costume before heading to the bathroom. 

“You should probably give him a little time,” Peter suggested gently.

“He’s right.” James added, earning him a smile from Peter.

“Oh, and if the addict says so then let’s all listen.” Sirius snapped and as Peter’s face fell he knew he was being unfair.

“Sirius, you’re my best friend but I’m gonna punch you in the face if you keep being such a fucking asshole to everyone.” James said and if it had been anyone but him Sirius would’ve dared him to try but the thing about James was that they were on the same side so when it came from him Sirius just felt himself deflating.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius sighed.

“It’s okay,” Peter assured him and Sirius wanted to tell him not to be such a pushover but that would probably be considered asshole behaviour so he decided to just shut his face, “And James is helping me with the addict-thing.” Peter practically beamed.

“That’s great, Peter.” Sirius said earnestly the second before Remus reappeared.

“Ready?” James asked waiting for each of them to confirm before continuing, “Alice, we’re ready!”

Sirius downed his drink while Alice enthusiastically presented them to the whoo-ing audience and Remus walked onto the stage the moment before the music started.

It started out alright but then came the part where Remus was supposed to mimic pushing him away and he practically shoved Sirius aside. It didn’t really hurt but it lit Sirius’ fuse especially when Remus kept being way rougher than necessary.

Sirius was supposed to be in Remus’ space the most of the time and the idea was that it should be some kind of fight for control. And with Remus’ aggressive attitude it turned into an actual power display so when Sirius took the cane from Remus he snapped it in two before tossing it aside as he was supposed to. 

Remus mouthed something looking like “The fuck?” at him and grabbed his wrist harder than he was supposed to. According to the plan Sirius should pull out of the grasp but he was pissed at Remus and wanted to throw him off. His options were limited seeing as they were on a stage and he was close to being naked but there was one thing he could do. Remus looked alarmed the moment before Sirius kissed him. He knew that it was unfair and unprofessional but it was probably the last time he got the chance and judging by the was the audience cheered it worked with the show. 

Remus, surprisingly, kissed back in a way that was most likely for show. Sirius then pushed away and ripped the silver snake off his neck like he was supposed to. The air seemed a little less electric and when Sirius was stark naked Remus was gentle as he pushed him to his knees. He even kept a hand on Sirius’ shoulders when the music stopped and Sirius lifted his head to look at the cheering audience. Next to him James and Peter got to their feet to bow and he followed.

“Will Lily Evans please come to the stage?” James shouted and Sirius wiggled his eyebrows at Remus while James got to his knees to propose to Lily. Remus smiled at him and Sirius counted that as a victory.

When they got off the stage they were met by Alice and Frank, “Remus, we need to talk.” Alice said and dragged off with him while Frank awkwardly praised their performance. Sirius didn’t notice that Remus had disappeared ‘till he was dressed. He went to the afterparty with James and Peter as if it didn’t bother him and he even tried not snapping at Frank when he told him that no, he didn’t know where Alice or Remus was. Instead he got shitfaced and was sent home by Lily who was supposed to be the happy bride-to-be but acted more like an evil stepmother. Or so Sirius decided when he grumpily walked home. 

xXx

Three days passed without Sirius being able to trace Remus down. He told himself that he wasn’t worried but three days was a long time, especially when you were alone because your stupid best friend was staying with his fiancé. 

Instead he started spending time with Alice and Frank who turned out to be great people, though they refused to tell Sirius anything about Remus as it supposedly was private and he should wait for Remus to come to him.

Sirius had just showered when the doorbell rang and, assuming it was James who’d forgotten his key, he pushed the button to open the street door without second thought. So when he opened the door to the apartment and saw Remus standing there it took him by surprise. 

Remus looked like he’d been sleeping rough which was supported by the fact that he was wearing the same clothes he’d been three days before. He was swaying gently and stared emptily at Sirius. 

“What’s going on?” Sirius asked and it seemed to bring Remus back to reality. He didn’t answer but took a step towards Sirius, wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in Sirius’ shoulder.

Then he started shaking and Sirius reciprocated the hug, “Hey,” he said soothingly, “What’s going on?” he asked again.

“My mother died.” Remus replied without looking at him.

“Oh no, Remus I’m…” Sirius started as Remus began to cry. Sirius decided to shut up and concentrated on rubbing soothing circles on Remus’ back. 

“I didn’t know where else to go.” Remus mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Sirius assured him, “I’m happy you’re safe.” he couldn’t help but wonder why Remus hadn’t sought Peter and Alice out instead but he was preoccupied with the fact that Remus had come to him.

He was still lost in thoughts when Remus raised his head and looked directly into his eyes, “Please fuck me.”

“What? No.” Sirius shocked blurted out. Remus immediately pulled back.

“I thought you wanted to.” he said defensively.

“I did. I do,” Sirius felt his cheeks growing warm, “But not like this.”

“Like what?”

“Just look at you.” Sirius exclaimed.

“I’m sorry?” and now Remus looked offended.

“Your mother just died. You’re pretty fucking upset.” Sirius pointed out.

“So?” Remus had stopped crying and looked like he was going to stamp his foot in the floor.

“You’re in no state to have sex. I’m not gonna take advantage of you.” Sirius crossed his arms.

“So you’re willing to stick your prick in virtually anyone but you don’t want to fuck me even when I’m asking you to?” Remus said icily, “A couple of days ago you were even willing to pay for it.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Sirius snapped.

“What, you don’t think it’s prostitution if the thing you pay for isn’t directly the sex itself?” Remus laughed, “You know what I think? I think that you’re not so keen now that you know I’m not some charity case. Or is it more of a brother complex?”

Sirius closed his eyes “Why are you always doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“You’re a nice person but when you feel threatened you act like some kind of wild dog, attacking everyone around you.” and this was getting way too psychoanalytic for Sirius, “Yes, I usually don’t mind an easy lay but I fucking care for you, you moron.” Sirius hissed.

Remus deflated, “I don’t…”

“Do you want me to spell it out for you? I think I’m in fucking love with you.” Sirius shouted in frustration and it was a wonder none of the neighbours had told him to pipe down yet.

Remus sighed and rubbed his neck “Sirius, I’m a wreck.” he finally said.

“Well, then we’re a perfect match.” Sirius huffed, “Do you want coffee?”

Remus shook his head, “Can I have another hug?” he asked with a careful smile.

Sirius enveloped him in a hug again, “Do you want a shower before bed?” Sirius mumbled into Remus’ hair.

“I’ve been living under a bridge for the past two days so that might be a good idea.” Remus reasoned. 

“You’re an idiot.” Sirius told him.

“What have I done this time?”

“You have lots of friends, you know, you didn’t have to do that.”

“I did, I really did.” Remus said and detangled himself from Sirius, “I think I’ll have that shower now.”

xXx

Remus had insisted that Sirius should have the bed, as it was Remus who was crashing but Sirius wasn’t able to fall asleep. Neither was Remus it seemed, because Sirius’ intense staring at the ceiling was disturbed by light footsteps and the door opening.

“Sirius?” Remus whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I could maybe…” Remus trailed off, “Sleep with you? I don’t like being alone right now…”

Sirius blinked a couple of times, “Sure.” he eventually said and made room for Remus who instantly cuddled up to him, “Oh no, I should have known you were a cuddler.”

“Shut up.” Remus mumbled. Sirius laughed and wrapped an arm around Remus.

“You know, I’m actually a bit relieved,” Remus suddenly said, “That my mum… you know. Don’t get me wrong I love her but…”

“With the disease you mean?” Sirius asked, not quite following.

“Yeah, of course there’s that. But it’s more in a selfish way I think, that I don’t have to worry about getting money for her medicine anymore. It just felt like this hole where the debt just grew and grew but now I can start paying off on it.”

“What do you mean? Why do you pay her debt? Doesn’t that kind of thing disappear when people die?”

“It’s my debt, and this kind of debt doesn’t…” 

“Oh, we’re talking about that guy…”

“Fenrir.” Remus supplied.

“Christ, how much money do you owe him?” it had to be a lot; heart surgery, medicine and what not.

“I don’t really want to…” 

“Of course, I’m sorry, didn’t think.” There was a pause, “Can I ask you something? It’s the same subject.” 

“Whether on not I answer depends what it’s about.” Remus warned.

“Why do you owe him money? I know you needed it pretty desperately but wasn’t there another way?”

“No, who would lend money to someone who’s early retired and her son who’s in school, and after that unemployed?” 

“But you must’ve known that he was toxic.” Sirius said gently.

“I did, but he didn’t give me a choice.”

“What do you mean?”

“After the… car crash, I woke up in the private hospital and my mum had just had the surgery.”

“Private?” 

“The public wouldn’t do the surgery, said my mum had too little chance of survival so it would be a waste of recourses. Fenrir paid the entire bill.”

“Is that even legal?” 

“No, he gave me the money and then I paid.”

“No, I mean don’t you have to choose it yourself if you go to a private place? Isn’t there rules?” 

“There is. I chose that hospital before the incident, signed with my mum’s name and everything but it wasn’t supposed to go that way. I just… I fucked up…” 

“Hey, you can’t blame yourself for a car crash.” Sirius tightened his grip on Remus. 

Remus looked up and their eyes locked. Sirius stopped stroking Remus’ arm as Remus stretched and suddenly his face was inches from Sirius’. Remus gently nudged Sirius’ nose with his own and it was so strangely intimate that though Sirius was the one technically starting the kiss he later counted it as Remus’ initiative. 

Remus clung to Sirius’ shirt and his lips were hot against Sirius’. The moment Remus parted his lips and made a low keening sound, Sirius dragged him on top of him and parted his own lips for Remus’ tongue. Remus pulled back and for a brief moment Sirius dreaded that he’d changed his mind. Instead Remus started pressing kisses to Sirius’ jawline and down his neck. 

“Shirt off.” Remus demanded and sat up, straddling Sirius’ stomach. 

“You’re sitting on it.” Sirius pointed out and when Remus lifted himself a couple of inches Sirius really wished the lights were on.

“Off.” Remus was glaring at him in a way that made Sirius struggle to get out of his shirt as fast as possible. It was a miracle he didn’t get stuck and Remus seemed to appreciate his efforts as he tossed the shirt to the other side of the room.

“I’m never gonna find that again.” Sirius groaned.

“Shut. Up.” Remus said between the kisses he was pressing to the contour of Sirius’ ribs before licking a stripe from Sirius’ solar plexus and down and okay, Sirius could do that.

Remus looked up at him, his eyes glinting in the dark, before working the boxers Sirius was wearing down. The cold air hit his exposed skin and Sirius shuddered even before Remus’ mouth closed around his dick and started moving. 

Sirius buried a hand in Remus’ hair causing Remus to stop and look expectantly at him, which was a shame, really because Remus was great at this. And it might’ve been the way Remus was looking at him, like he was waiting for instructions but Sirius suddenly thought of Fenrir and the day at the dance hall. Sirius groaned because really? He was in the middle of a fantastic blowjob and then his brain had to ruin it.

Sirius tugged lightly at Remus’ hair and Remus seemed to pick up his intentions because he instantly pulled back.

“I can’t do this,” Sirius said a little more breathless than he’d like.

“You’re telling me now?” Remus snapped but the vulnerable look on his face made Sirius feel guilty.

“Come here.” Sirius said softly and dragged him up to a kiss. Remus huffed indignantly but kissed back. At first it was almost sweet but then Remus had to bite Sirius’ lip and suddenly Remus’ tongue was in Sirius’ mouth and that was the death of Sirius’ half-noble intentions. He growled and licked his way into Remus’ mouth and Remus practically hummed as he curled his tongue around Sirius’.

Sirius slid his hands down Remus’ sides ‘till he reached the waistband of Remus’ pants.

“Change of heart?” Remus smirked against his mouth.

“Mmm,” Sirius agreed while tugging the clothing down, “Not quite the body-part I had in mind.” he confessed while Remus was preoccupied getting naked. Remus’ unamused snicker stopped abruptly when Sirius forced a hand between them and slowly started stroking Remus’ dick.

Sirius flipped them to the side to get better access but in the process their cocks grinded together and that was much, much better than before and in a matter of seconds they were mindlessly humping.

“’Want you in me.” Remus panted and Sirius’ brain nearly melted. The following please was so drawn out and raw that Sirius wasn’t physically able to refuse him.

Sirius kissed Remus briefly, “’moment.” Sirius rolled out of the bed and landed on the floor, swearing, before mindlessly rummaging through his drawer. He got what he was looking for and stumbled back.

“You’re pathetic.” Remus sighed but kissed him anyway. Sirius slicked his fingers and pushed one inside Remus who briefly tensed beneath him before relaxing again. When he gently pushed a second finger in Remus moaned, “I take it back, I didn’t mean it.” and Sirius bended his fingers, deciding that he wasn’t doing his job properly if Remus could still form sentences. 

By the third finger Remus was writhing beneath him and swearing incoherently, “Please, Sirius.”

Sirius removed his fingers to fumble with a condom before he was finally pressing slowly into Remus. 

“Wait,” Remus panted and breathed heavily, he’d closed his eyes and in the dark Sirius could just make out the hairs that stuck to his forehead “Okay.”

Sirius kissed him chastely, “Sure?”

“Yeah,” Remus opened his eyes and Sirius pressed a kiss to his forehead before starting to move inside the tight heat in slow thrusts. 

Remus clung on to him and spread his legs wider, “Please,” he groaned, making Sirius set his pace faster. He could feel it building inside him and knew that he wasn’t going to last so he reached down and stroked Remus ‘till he was slick with precome and what lube was left on Sirius’ hand.

“Oh God, Sirius, Please.” 

“It’s alright, I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” 

Remus’ eyes snapped open before he came over Sirius’ hand and the pure, unguarded look sent Sirius over the edge after just one more thrust.

Sirius collapsed on Remus’ chest and for a while they were just breathing. Sirius finally forced himself to move so that he wouldn’t crush Remus and found a shirt on the floor to wipe the come from their stomachs. He tossed the condom in the general direction of the bin before returning to Remus who’d closed his eyes but curled into him anyway.

Sirius felt sated as he stroked Remus’ hair and Remus’ breath gradually got deeper. Remus seemed to be half asleep when he mumbled; “It wasn’t an accident. I was trying to kill myself.” 

Sirius was trying to come up with an appropriate response that wouldn’t make Remus pull away when he was finally opening up but all he managed was “Why?”

Remus didn’t respond right away and Sirius worried that he might’ve fallen asleep then he finally shrugged, “I had just left my boyfriend, I’d dropped out of school, my mum needed money. It seemed like a solution much better than anyone else I’d come up with. I didn’t benefit from being in the world, the world didn’t benefit from having me in it. This way I’d solve those problems and my mum could have the saving for my education, she could finally sell the house and they might even have been able to use my heart for her. Instead she ended up with an even more fucked up son.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not? It’s true. It’d been better for everyone if Fenrir hadn’t followed me and I’d actually died from the crash.” 

“No, it wouldn’t. We can fix this.” 

Remus started to pull away, “Don’t you think I’ve been through every possible solution already? Do you think I want this?” 

“I don’t know,” Sirius confessed, “I think you’re wallowing in self-pity and that you’re for some fucked-up reason isn’t over your drug-dealing ex.”

“Wallowing in self-pity?” Remus stood up, “What about you? Do you think alcohol is going to bring your dead brother back?” 

“No, I think it’s gonna make me forget I practically killed him.” Sirius snapped and Remus’ eyes widened, “I ran away, leaving him in the shit I left behind. I wake up every day with that knowledge and I can’t do anything to change it. But you’re a good person, you’re bright and hardworking. You can have a future if you want to. You don’t have to be stuck in this, so why are you?”

“I’m not any of those things,” Remus sighed, “I think that he broke me and I hate myself for letting him.” 

“Then don’t. Go back to school, get your A-levels and study medicine. Sell the house and pay as much as the debt as you can, you have your part of the money from the strip show as well. You can live with me ‘till you go to university, I’ll have plenty of room when James gets his shit together and officially moves in with Lily. But for now come back to bed, please.”

“I don’t think it’s going to be that easy.” Remus argued but suddenly Sirius’ arms were full of Remus who was cold from the night air.

“Of course it’s not. But you can do it.”


	8. Epilogue

The five months they were together nearly broke Sirius’ heart. Though they were both busy it was the little things that mattered the most to Sirius; Remus using him as a pillow while studying, Remus wearing his clothes, Remus cooking for him though it was actually Sirius’ day, watching crappy TV together. All the small things that shouldn’t matter as much as the bigger ones.

Remus’ old principal, Dumbledore, arranged that he could take his A-levels and take the exam that summer and if he did well Dumbledore would arrange it so he could start at medical school five months from then. So Remus was under a lot pressure but somehow he found time for Sirius even if Sirius came home late, ranting about his training to become a police officer. 

Sirius knew he was falling way too hard for him but he couldn’t help it. He got the most out of the five months he had and when Remus, of course, got straight As at the finals he couldn’t help but feel a short selfish pang of regret. He’d known that Remus would leave and though Remus promised they’d stay in touch and he’d visit Sirius knew that it wouldn’t work out. Remus was finally moving on, he was destined for greater things than a small town and Sirius. 

Remus came back one time, when Harry and Neville were born. He gushed about his studies and he might’ve been sad and unable to comprehend it when Sirius broke up with him but Sirius knew it was the right thing to do. And if Sirius spent the next week getting pissed and later got a boyfriend who looked almost exactly like Remus, then that was his business. 

xXx

Remus was still number two on his speed dial, “Hey Remus, it’s Sirius.”

“Wow, hey,” Remus sounded shocked and there was a long pause, “How are you?”

“I’m great, really good.” Sirius didn’t avoid the question on purpose but he wasn’t sure he could keep it together if he went into that territory, not when, after five years, the mere sound of Remus’ voice still did funny things to his insides, “Listen, Remus, I know it’s a lot to ask but we really, really need a witness and you were the only one I could think of.”

“What’s going on?” Remus asked with an edge of alarm.

“We’ve got Fenrir. He slipped and now we’ve got proof. The only thing I need for this to be bulletproof is a witness.” Sirius couldn’t keep the glee out of his voice. He’d been working three years for this. 

“That’s… great. I’ll… Sure. When do you need me?” 

“Thank you so much, I’m so sorry to ask this of you.” Sirius rambled.

“It’s fine. When should I be there?” 

“Is a week from now okay with you? I know it’s short notice but…” 

“Yeah, I’ll be there. Do you think you could mail the details? I’m kinda busy right now.”

“I’ll do that. Thank you.” 

“No problem.” Remus said and hung up. Sirius told himself that he was happy Remus had moved on and that this wasn’t the biggest mistake in his entire life. 

xXx

Remus’ train was five minutes late and Sirius used the time for retying his tie as if he hadn’t just spent two full hours getting ready. The train arrived and Sirius immediately spotted Remus who looked a lot better in a suit than Sirius did. 

“It’s good to see you.” Remus’ handshake was firm.

“You too. You look…” Sirius cleared his throat, “I brought my bike but if you’d rather walk we can do that.”

“Of course you did.” Remus mumbled, “Lead the way to your motor vehicle.” it was said resignedly and Sirius couldn’t help but grin.

Remus shook his head in disbelief when he laid eyes upon the Triumph Bonneville, “It’s exactly the one from that poster you had, isn’t it?” it wasn’t really a question.

“Yup.” Sirius thrust the helmet at him and threw a leg over the bike. “All set?” He could feel Remus’ nod and tried not to think too much about the way Remus was pressed up against him as he started the engine. 

It was only a five minute drive but apparently no one told Sirius’ hair because the first thing Remus did when he’d disposed of the helmet was telling Sirius to stand still. Remus’ hands in his hair were familiar and Remus seemed to realise it as well. His hands seemed to linger in Sirius’ hair for a moment longer than necessary and Sirius’ heart nearly stopped for the short second he thought Remus was going to kiss him but then Remus stepped back and told him he looked great.

xXx

Afterwards they all went to Alice’s bar, buzzing with ecstasy over finally having Fenrir Greyback behind bars.

Alice greeted them and Frank immediately scooped up Neville before animatedly telling her about their success. Remus eyed the five-year-old dubiously, “Isn’t he a little too young for being in a bar?”

James patted him on the back, “Good old Remus, Have you even met Alice? I think it’s safe to say Neville is safe.”

“Good point.” Remus said as he sat down next to Sirius.

James offered to buy them all drinks and when Sirius asked for a coke Remus looked at him quizzically, “Not drinking?”

Sirius shook his head, “I tried drinking at parties only but that didn’t really work so I had to stop altogether. It’s embarrassing to have an addiction when you’re working for the law.”

“So you quit smoking, too?” Remus asked, almost teasing.

“Well… No, I’m working on it but…” Sirius lowered his voice, “It’s part of my image.” 

“You do know how unhealthy it is, right?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

Sirius groaned, “I forgot I was talking to a doctor.” 

“Not quite yet.” there was an awkward pause and Remus took a gulp of beer. Sirius was terrified that he’d turn his attention to James who was rambling about Harry so he decided to just say something.

“How is studying medicine?” was the thing that first sprung to his mind.

“It’s good. Very interesting and people are nice. It’s a shame that we’ll all have to go into training soon. We’ll be spread over the entire country. No, actually I think Tonks and Marlene stay together.”

“Friends of yours?” Sirius asked trying to keep the edge of jealousy out of his voice.

“Yes, it’s funny actually none of them had medicine as their first choice. They both wanted to join the police.”

“Are you kidding me?” 

“Dead honest. Right when we started they were always pestering me about you. They wanted to hear everything about your training when we...” Remus flushed and trailed off. He cleared his throat, “Anyway, they both adore their subject now. Tonks wants to do plastic surgery, the kind where they help burn victims.” 

“Wow, that’s cool. What about you? Still heart surgeon?”

“I’m not sure anymore. I want to but what I genuinely want is to save as many people as possible and I’m not sure a few extremely expensive operations is the way to do that.” Remus was tracing patterns in the condensation from his glass, “I’m sorry, I’m just going on about myself. Are you specialised in anything?” 

“Organised crime. Focus on drugs. It’s really a problem here, but you know that already.” Sirius rubbed his neck, “The problem is that there’s no easy solution to it. Fine, we’ve taken out Greyback but it’s only a matter of time before someone else takes his place.” Sirius let out a frustrated sigh.

“Sucks.”

“It’s crap. In the beginning I found the fieldwork fantastic but I’m starting to think that it might not be the way around it. Like, what if we focused on the youth instead? Stopping it before it can grow and anymore kids get their lives ruined because they don’t have any idea what consequences their actions are gonna have?” Sirius could feel he was working himself up and laughed, “I better stop now before I really get going. It’s kinda my pet project.” 

Remus smiled softly at him, “I think it’s great.”

“Really?”

“It’s fantastic, Sirius.” Remus was beaming at him and Sirius had to look down before he could do anything stupid.

In that moment James stopped talking about Harry and decided that it was time to share Sirius’ privacy with everyone present; the entire department, a couple of lawyers and, worst of all, Remus. In that moment Sirius wished he were still drinking.

“What was the name of that boyfriend of yours? You know the one we busted for violence?” James snickered and he wasn’t telling the entire story, Peter had sold them out to Fenrir for drugs and then Sirius’ boyfriend had nearly killed James to get to Lily and Harry as a warning, it wasn’t the only time any of them had had problems with Fenrir’s lot but it was probably the most serious incident, “I know! Bertram Aubrey. That’s it. Where was I? Oh, yes, the point; he was your spitting image.” James said to Remus who smiled forced, “I don’t think you’ve been with anyone since, have you?” 

“Yes, thank you, James,” Sirius said and stood up, “I’ll see you all on Monday.” he strode out of the place, only stopping to say goodbye to Alice.

The door slammed behind him before opening again immediately. Sirius started talking without turning around, “James, if you ever do that in front of Remus again… You know what? Never mind, I doubt it’ll be relevant. This was my only chance to… Oh shit.” Sirius had turned around and of course, of course it had to be Remus who’d followed him, still looking flawless in his suit.

“Your only chance to what?” 

“Nothing, I’m sorry.” Sirius considered just turning and leaving.

“Sirius, why did you break up with me?” Remus took two steps towards Sirius.

“I…” Sirius was planning to lie but he’d already fucked up so impressively that he might as well do it properly, “You were moving on, you deserved better than me and I decided that we might as well call it quits before you fully realised that.”

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Remus said calmly, “It’s been so many years, Sirius, you’re working for the police, you’re amazing at your job, you’ve quit drinking. You’re doing great, Sirius and it was visible from the start that you had all this potential. I loved you, you know.” 

“Why didn’t you say any of this all those years ago?”

“Are you kidding me? The last person I was so dependent of started off just as great. We were dancing partners for years, he was older but he was so good to me. You know, ‘till he turned out to be a manipulative, abusing asshole with a nebengeshäft as a leader of a drug cartel. And I didn’t realise it before he beat a boy to death, your brother. He fucking destroyed my life, Sirius.” Remus was standing right in front of him, “I’m sorry, I don’t usually get riled up like that anymore.” he looked away.

“Do you think we could maybe…” Remus grabbed his collar and brought their mouths together.

“Yes, I do. I’m gonna need police protection anyway when I move back, having witnessed against Fenrir and all.” Remus confided when they pulled back.

“Move back?” 

Remus nodded, “I’m training at the local hospital.”

Sirius opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, at a loss for words.

“Take me home.” Remus kissed him chastely and laced their fingers together and okay, Sirius could do that.


End file.
